Lost— A Chaperon 



A Comedy in Three Acts 



By 
COURTNEY BRUERTON 

and 

W. S. MAULSBY 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1912 



Lost — A Chaperon 



CHARACTERS 



(First produced in Jackson Gymnasium, Tuft's College, May i8 
and 19, 191 1, under the direcdon of Wm. O. Partridge, 
Jr., of Arlington, with the following cast:) 

George Higgins, a Tuft's J. B. . . . Ernest S. Svvenson 
Jack Abbott, ") Tuft's sub-freshme7iy camp- Stanley M. Brown 

Fred Lawton, j ing with Higgins . . Arthur J. Anderson 

Raymond Fitzhenry, a Harvard student . Arthur T. Hale 

Dick Norton,") jr-h-n ■ ^ • • Ernest A. Larrabee 

Tom Crosby, J ■^' ^"^'' ^^ . . Ferdinand Bryham 

Marjorie Tyndall, George's cousin ; a 

Smith girl Helen J. Martin 

Alice Bennett, ^ Dorothy F. Entvvistle 

Agnes Arabella Bates, I cy z • / Edith H. Bradford 

Ruth French, f J''^'''°'^ S"'^' Marjorie L. Henry 

Blanche Westcott, J Beatrice L. Davis 

Mrs. Higgins, the chaperon. George's 

mother Effie M. Ritchie 

Mrs. Sparrow, a farmer's wife. (Not in the original cast.^ 

\j\7.7.\^, ) , , 7 

TV /I y her daughters. 

Mandy, j ^ 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — The Girls' Camp at Sherwood, 7 a. m. 
Act II. — The Fellows' Camp at Sherwood, 8 a, m. 
Act III. — Same as Act I, 10 a. m. 

Place. — Sherwood, Maine. Time. — Summer vacation. 




Copyright, 191 i, by Courtney Bruerton. 
Copyright, 191 2, by Walter H.^aker & Co. 



PROPERTY PLOT 

Act I. — Settle or seat under the stairs, Morris-chair, table, 
two ordinary chairs, hat-rack, coat on banisters, alarm-clock 
and magazines for table, full shade for window, sofa pillows for 
settle, bric-a-brac for mantel, banners, and pictures. Kimono 
and scuffs for Alice, small covered basket with puffs and comb 
for Blanche, envelope with four two cent stamps on it for Aggie, 
hairpins for Blanche, sewing-bag for Ruth. 

Act II. — Clothes-line, tent, khaki shirt, pants, socks, etc., 
for clothes-line, cans, fishing tackle, loaf of bread, knife, can of 
deviled ham, three mugs, dress-suit case for George, blanket 
with five-inch safety pins, a map and a flap-jack turner for 
Jack, large straw hat for Alice, pail for Fked, axes for Ray- 
mond, Tom, and Dick. Air- rifle. The barrel should have a 
false bottom about a foot from the top with excelsior covering 
it. A wide cleat should be nailed on the inside next to the 
rim. When Ruth and Alice sit on the barrel, the board 
should be placed on the barrel itself; but when Aggie comes 
one end should be placed on cleat, so that when she hitches 
away from Jack, she can dislodge the board. 

Act III. — Three chairs and a Morris-chair, furniture other- 
wise the same as in Act I. Table-cover for table, plates, mugs, 
and knives for three, bag of sugar, coffee-pot, Blanche's 
basket of puffs, bandana handkerchief for George, reticule for 
Mrs. Higgins. 









NOTE 






The several 


parts 


of this play 


contain the 


following number of MS. lines 


each : 
















Act I. 


Act II. 


Act III, 


Total. 


George 






117 


52 


169 


Jack 






268 


20 


288 


Fred 






95 


II 


106 


Raymond 






30 


31 


61 


Tom 






26 


35 


61 


Dick 






34 


^5 


49 


Marjorie 




58 




31 


89 


Alice 




129 


67 


41 


237 


Agnes 




109 


43 


20 


172 


Ruth 




104 


42 


20 


166 


Blanche 




70 




17 


87 


Mrs. Higgins 






78 


78 


Mrs. Sparrow 


24 






24 


Mandy 




4 






4 


Lizzie 




3 






3 



Time in Playing 

Act I. — Thirty minutes. Act II. — Forty-five minutes. 

Act III. — Thirty-five minutes. 

3 



Lost— A Chaperon 



ACT I 

SCENE. — The interior of the girls' camp at Sherwood. Fire- 
place down L. ; stair^vay up L., leading to chambers, off -l. 
Window L. c. , over staircase ; practical door c. to kitchen ; 
practical window R., with full curtai?i ; practical door 
R.2 E. Exterior backing for door and tvindows 'R. Carpet 
down ; folding table and ttvo chairs R. c. ; hat-rack tip r. ; 
settle or seat front of staircase ; Aforris chair before fire- 
place. 

(^At rise of curtain the stage is dimly lighted and the ivindow 
shades are down. Books, papers and coais are tossed 
about in confusion. The titne is 6 : 45 A. M.) 

Ruth French (without, after ten seconds, as from up-stairs, 
calling). Oh, Alice ! Aren't you up yet ? [Pause.) 

Alice Bennett {without, as from upstairs'). Oh-h-h ! 
What ? 

Ruth. I said aren't you up yet? 

Alice (sleepily). No-0-0 ! Mercy, no ! {Yawns audibly.) 

Blanche Westcott (without, after ten seconds, as from 
up-stairs). Seen anytliing of my belt, Ruth? 

Ruth {same bus.). Me? No. You must have it there 
somewhere. You better hurry up, Alice, or you'll get left. 

Alice {yawning). 1 don't care. 

(Ruth enters down-stairs, l. She is a mild-mannered girl, 
distinctly lady-like, hit not at all averse to fun, and enjoy- 
ing a good time. She crosses to v.., and raises curtain. 
Lights up full. Crosses front of table to stairs, takes 
coat from banisters and places on hat-rack. Shouts up the 
stairs.) 

5 



b LOST — A CHAPERON 

Ruth. You're the laziest thing I ever saw. 

Alice (jviihout). Don't you worry about me. 

Blanche {from above). Isn't Alice up yet? 

Alice {appearing at door L., /;/ curl papers, kimono, afid 
scuffs, still yatV7iing ; Alice is a '■'■good sp^ort," sviart and 
clever, with a fine sense of humor. At present she is rather 
sleepy. Yawns, looks sleepy / half-way down turns and calls 
back Zip-stairs.) Yes, 1 am. What's more, I'm down. 
{To Ruth.) What time is it, Ruth ? It seems awful early. 

{Yazvns.) 

Ruth {arranging table, back to Alice). It's time you were 
up. Aggie's all dressed by this time. She was up hours ago. 

Alice. Well, Aggie can be. She doesn't love her bed as 
much as I do. I feel as though I ought to be on a vacation. 

Ruth. I should think you did, Alice. 

Alice. Oh, dear ! dear ! {Walks to Morris chair, L.) 

Ruth {turning). For mercy's sake, Alice, are you down 
here in that rig? 

Alice. Yes, I am. {Stretches herself out in Morris chair 
and yawns again.) I know I'll have a headache for a week, 
getting up so quick. Oh, dear ! Oh, dear ! Such luck ! 

Ruth. Goodness, you're not going to sleep again in here, 
are you ? 

Alice. Perhaps. 

Ruth. You lazy thing ! 

Alice. Oh, my dear, what's the use of a vacation {yatvning) 
if one can't sleep in the morning? I should certainly have 
never been induced to come down here this summer {yawnifig) 
if I'd known you were one of the early birds. I hate to get up 
in the middle of the night. {Yawns.) It's not civilized. 

Ruth {picking up sewing and sitting R. of table). Oh, 
nonsense ! You ought to be up by this time. Aren't you 
going to get dressed for breakfast? 

Alice. Breakfast, Ruth ? Oh-h-h-h ! It's altogether too 
early for breakfast. Breakfast? You mean midnight lunch. 
Breakfast won't be ready for hours, I bet. ( Yawns.) It's too 
early ! 

Ruth. Well, if you put it up to me, I'm not in much of a 
hurry to get mine this morning, as things are. Aggie's the 
cook, you know. 

Alice. Aggie? How's that? 

Ruth. Oh, they know she's the first one up. And then, 



LOST A CHAPERON 7 

you know, she hasu'l cooked for the girls for so long that no- 
body remembers what a perfect sci"eaai as a cook she is ! 

Alice. Oh, why did you get me up ? 

Ruth. Don't be fooHsh. She may be able to do all right 
on an oil stove, but the crimes she has committed in a chafing- 
dish are simply wicked ! Didn't you go to her chafing-dish 
party ? 

Alice (^yawning). What chafing-dish party ? 

Ruth. Oh, of course you didn't; that's so. You wouldn't 
know. None of you girls were in college then. [Lazighs.') 
That's why Marjorie got her to cook, I guess. If she'd gone 
to that party she'd have remembered it, all right, all right. 

Alice. Well, share your mirth. What was the matter 
with it ? 

Ruth. Why, the rarebit. The rest wasn't so awfully bad ! 
'Twasn't awfully good either for that matter, but oh, the idea 
of that rarebit ! My dear, it was weird, it certainly was. She 
made a perfectly good, well-behaved Welsh rarebit taste like a 
— well, I don't know what it did taste like, but it acted like 
Le Page's glue. 

Alice. For mercy's sake 

Ruth. She made the best rubber rarebit I ever tasted. 

Alice. I see our finish. 

Ruth (^laughing). Of course she doesn't think so. To 
hear her talk, you'd think she was a bee-autiful cook. 

Alice. Oh, she's a nifty bunch of hot air. 

Ruth (rising and putting away sewing). Well, I'd hustle 
into my duds if I were you, instead of lying there yawning and 
shivering. Why in the world don't you go and get dressed if 
you're so cold ? 

[Takes magazine and sits again R. of table. ^ 

Alice. Well, if you aren't the queer thing. First you pull 
me out of bed before daylight, and then you rub it into me for 
not wanting to get dressed. Let me tell you again, my little 
pet, I'm sleepy. (Yazvns, rises, and makes her way sleepily 
to table. Picks up alartJi dock, looks at it, rubs her eyes and 
looks at it again.) Oh, it's only seven o'clock ! (Returns 
slowly and sinks back into chair.) Gee, but it's early ! Ten 
was the time I was going to get up. You've positively no idea 
how tired I am ! 

Ruth. Why, what's the matter with you ? You never used 



8 LOST A CHAPERON 

to be SO foolish. You always get up early enough al the Hall. 
You used to be studying at six o'clock. You know you did. 

Alice. Six o'clock? Gemini! (Yawns.) I don't re- 
member. I'm oil a vacation. I don't remember anything. 
I'm too sleepy to remember anything. If you were as tired as 
I am, you wouldn't remember anything. I'm in a semi-coma- 
tose state. 

Ruth. For goodness' sake, come to ! You act as if you 
hadn't slept for a week. 

Alice. Well, I didn't much last night. 

Ruth. Oh, ho ! That's it, is it ? You were scared be- 
cause we're here all alone without a chajjeron. 

Alice. No, I wasn't, either. That's not it at all. I'm 
never scared. I have never been scared. I've always been 
very brave ever since 1 was a mere child. I'm not the wishy- 
washy kind that's always trembling; perhaps you've noticed it. 

Ruth. Yes, I think I /uwe. 

Alice. And as for that chaperon, I'm glad she missed the 
train, or the boat, or whatever it was. She must have missed 
something, since she isn't here. I'm just glad she did. We're 
having an ever and ever so much better time without her, and 
I hope she'll not come all day, — not till night. 

Ruth. So do I. I'm not particular about her coming at all. 
But then, what would Dean (Jocal) say? 

Alice (laughing). I know it. All a chaperon is good for 
anyway is just for form. That is, that's all the use a good one 
ought to be. And what's the use of form here? No one will 
see it if we have it. " Did Niagara Falls make any noise before 
anybody was round to hear it? " Did you take '• syke " ? 

Ruth. Oh, cut the "syke," Alice; no. 

Alice. Oh, but you ought to. Scotty's (local) a dear — a 
perfect dear — nothing but. You just ought to see him smile. 

Ruth. H'm — Is'poseso. We were speaking of chaperons, 
not "syke." I'm quite familiar with them as a class. Mar- 
jorie Tyndall's a perfectly corking girl, but I haven't a doubt 
but that her aunt is just like the rest — a regular Mrs. Buttinski. 

Alice. I don't know anything about her, and I'm not a bit 
curious as long as she keeps missing her train, or her boat, or 
whatever 'twas — not a bit. 

Ruth. Why, Alice, she may have had an accident. 

Alice. I can't help that, 1 know we'll have a regular rip- 
roaring old time without her; that is, if anybody gets up to-day 
in this house besides me. Why didn't you give the others a 



LOST A CHAPERON 9 

helping hand while you were about it? (Sig/is.) You seemed 
to confine all your attentions to me. 

Ruth. You were the only one in the house that was still 
abed. 

Alice (/wf heeding). It's terrible to think of being up at 
seven o'clock, against your will, while all the rest are in bed 
enjoying themselves. I ought to have stayed there myself. 

Ruth. Aggie's been up hours. 

Alice. Oh, I suppose Aggie has. Probably she's making 
one of those elastic rarebits of hers. But where are Blanche 
and Marjorie ? You know there are others in this ranch besides 
Aggie. 

Ruth. You don't like her, do you? 

Alice. M-m, well, there are some 1 like better. I don't see 
why Mary invited her. 

Ruth. Why, she's a nice girl, Alice. She's a lot of fun 
when she gets thawed out. 

Alice. Oh, I suppose she is ; but she's usually so prim 
and precise, and so everlastingly daffy over that sentimental 
popinjay of hers. 

Ruth. Raymond ? 

Alice. That's the gent to whom I refer. 

Ruth. Oh, you're prejudiced. He's a poet, you know, 
and a poet " hath charms " 

Alice. "To soothe the savage breast." Yes, I know, 
but I'm afraid mine isn't that kind. 

Enter Blanche, breezily, l. She is lively, foriuard, and in- 
clined to be fresh. She has a small, covered basket. 

Blanche. Can I do my hair in here ? 

Alice. So you're up, are you, Blanche? V/hy, sure you 
may. 

Ruth. Come on. 

Blanche (^sitting l. of table, taking out puff s one at a time, 
and begins rolling them, combing them with one end in her 
mouth). I didn't know but this was confidential, but /didn't 
care. / want to be sociable, I do. I'm simply dying for so- 
ciability. 

Alice. Blanche, you shouldn't talk with your mouth full. 
i Blanche. So your mother was telling me. 
1; Alice. What a lot of hair you've got. 
P Blanche (^flattered, but trying not to appear so~). Yes, I've 



10 LOST — A CHAPERON 

brushed it hard one hunched strokes every night since I was 
nine years old. 

Alice. Oh, I didn't mean on your head, I meant in the 
basket. 

Blanche. Oh ! (A momcnfs pause ; everybody yawm, 
then suddenly looks up in confusion.) Well, it's certainly the 
limit how these puffs do muss. 

Ruth. Why, Blanche Weslcott, you're not going to wear 
puffs up here in this forsaken spot, are you ? 

(^Arranges her own hair.) 

Blanche. Why, I don't call it forsaken, do you ? 

Alice. Well, I'd never mistake it for the Great White Way. 

Blanche. Naturally not. 

{Still cov/ibs puffs and talks with the ends in her mouth.) 

Alice. I think you're too stylish for us. Pourquoi faire 
des fakongs ! {Laboriously.) 

Blanche. AVill you listen to that? Fakongs! Alice, my 
dear, your French is on the blink. Forget it. For goodness' 
sake let me have a vacation without thinking of French C ! 

Ruth. I shouldn't think you'd want to think of puffs 
either, for tiiat matter. I'm sine I don't. 1 didn't bring any 
and I wouldn't wear them if I did. 1 should think yours 
would make you feel top-heavy. They're as big as babies. 

Alice. I should say so. 

Blanche {coolly; still combing). Well, what I want to 
know is, who swallowed our chaperon last night? 

Alice. I'm sure 7ve don't know. 

Blanche. Hasn't anybody seen anything of her? 

Ruth. Well, I haven't. 

Alice. Neither have /, and I don't v/ant to. 

Blanche {taking puff out of her mo7ith in astonishment). 
Don't want to? What do you know about that? Well, what 
are we going to do without her? We can't stay alone way off 
here, can we? What v.'ill people think? 

Alice. Well, if you can find any people to do any think- 
ing, you'll do more than I can. 

Blanche. All the more reason why v/e should have some 
one here. 

Alice. You old fraid-cat ! Who'll touch us? I think it's 
ripping she didn't come, and I hope she won't be here for a 
week. H'm ! Great protection she'd be, wouldn't she? It's 



LOST A CHAPERON II 

a good while since I've been able to do as I wanted to, and I'd 
like it to last. Do you think she'd stand for this negligee ? 

Ruth (^laugJiing). I'm sure I don't know her at all. 

Blanche. Oh, she probably would. What's the harm ? 

Ruth. Of course we don't know anything about Mrs. 
Huggins, except 

Blanche. Higgins, my dear, Higgins. 

Alice. Why do you always get it Huggins, Ruth ? {Ap- 
parency shocked.) I hope you wouldn't say that if we had 
company. 

Ruth. Oh, bother ! Higgins, then. Of course we don't 
know what kind of a person Mrs. Higgins is, but 

Blanche. So you remarked. 

Alice. She may be a perfect pippin. 

Blanche. Well, where is she ? That's more to the point. 

Alice. The Lord only knows. 

Ruth. And he won't tell. We only know she didn't meet 
us at the village yesterday afternoon. If Marjorie had only 
stayed inside the station as she said she was going to, instead 
of walking up and down outside looking to see what she could 
see, she might have found her. 

Blanche. Oh, she'd have got here some way, if she'd 
come that far. 

Ruth. Well, if she got left at Bangor, there isn't another 
train until this morning. So Marjorie says, anyway. 

Alice. Well, that settles it then. 

Blanche. It's a great old way to keep an engagement, I 
must say. She's probably pretty slack. {Puts last puff in ihe 
basket and sets basket on table.') I'm going upstairs to get 
my hairpins — be back in a minute. {Goes toivard stairs, k. 
just as Agnes Arabella Bates enters. ) Merciful heavens ! 
Where did you come from, baby dear ? You gave me such a 
start ! 

Agnes {coldly, crossing r., back of table). From my 
chamber. 

Alice {aside). Piffle ! 

Blanche. I don't call these affairs chambers. I call them 
cribs; there's so much room in them. If we want to sing we 
have to go outdoors — (f- mining up the stairs) there isn't room 
enough inside to let your voice out. \_Exit. 

Agnes. What's the matter with her ? 

Ruth. She seems upset over this chaperon business. 

Agnes. O-oo-h. {^Thoughtfully. She is dressed demurely 



12 LOST — A CHAPERON 

in linen collar and tie, shirt-waist, stiff cuffs, hair dressed 
very severely. She wears spectacles, is prim by nature and 
very much of a bluestocking. She holds a letter in hand. Sits 
L. of table. Ruth crosses l. to settle and sits.) I've just 
been reading. You know Raymond wrote me a train letter. 
He's a wonder, he is. And we had such fun on the train — I 
was cutting up so that I even forgot to open it. Wasn't that 
droll? So I've just been reading it. He enclosed his last 
poem for a treat. (Alice and Ruth groan.) Beg pardon ? 

Alice. We thought you must have passed a poor night to 
be regaling yourself with poetry thus early in the game. 

Agnes. Oh, not at all. 1 always get up early, always. 
You know I was so dead tired last night that I went to bed 
almost as soon as I got here and didn't unpack anything. So 
I got up early this morning and I have all my things unpacked 
and in order. 

Ruth (anxiously). But what about the breakfast ? 

AGiSTES (cheerfully). Oh, it's early yet. (Girls look tin- 
easy.) And — er — when I was taking the things out of my 
hand-bag (smiling), I came across this poem that Raymond 
had sent me. I put it in there so's to have it handy, and then 
forgot all about it. Wouldn't he be grieved if he knew it ? 

Ruth. Yes, I should think he would be deeply touched. 

Alice (aside; to Ruth). Wouldn't that make your neck 
ache ? 

Ruth. Did he send it to you ? I thought you said it was 
a train letter. 

Agnes. It was. He enclosed it in his letter of day before 
yesterday and asked me to read it on the train. (Smiles.) It 
cost him eight cents, the letter was so heavy. 

Alice (aside; to Ruth). Of course — it had some of his 
poetry in it. 

Agnes. Oh, but the verse is so delightful I think it's 
quite the best he's ever done. 

Ruth. Isn't that nice? 

Agnes. Yes, I think so. Raymond's professors think he 
fias a great future before him. 

Alice. Who told you that ? 

Agnes. Why, Raymond, of course. {Girls giggle.) I 
don't see anything to laugh at — / think it's a great compli- 
ment. (Girls whisper together. Then exit RvTH, c.) Just 
listen to this poetry. This is no joke. I only wish he were 
here to explain it — he does it so beautifully. You know you 



LOST A CHAPERON I3 

read it by yourself and it sounds well, and you think it's 
pretty, but after he explains it to you, and tells you all about 
it, it seems just exquisite and grand. You realize that you 
couldn't half appreciate it before. 

Alice {weakly'). H'm ! Sort of merely knocking on the 
shell, as it were. 

Agnes. Yes — exactly. 

Enter Blanche, l. 

LANCHE. Hello ! What you doing ? {Puts pins in basket.') 
Agnes. Oh, you're just in time. I'm going to read this 
new poem of Raymond's. 

Enter Ruth, c. 

Blanche. Gee ! 

{Sits settle l. of Ruth. She and the others get together and 
talk during Agnes' rambles, looking vp only zvhen she 
addresses them or stops.) 

Agnes. Ruth and Alice are both just dying to hear it. 
{Business Ruth and Alice.) They like Raymond's poetry 
almost as well as I do, and that's saying a good deal. He told 
me that he read some to them once when he came out to call 
at the Hall and I wasn't home. I guess it was the night I 
went to see Gillette with popper. Oh, don't you love Gillette? 
{Girls look up and smile approval.) Isn't he just a wonder? 
I do just love to see him. Did you see "Clarice"? {Girls 
shake their heads.) Oh, you missed it — you did. He makes 
love so splendidly. Oh, he does. Er — er — oh, yes. Ray- 
mond told me he read some to Ruth and Alice and they 
praised it highly. 

Blanche. What do you say to that, girls? 

Alice. Oh, we didn't have to praise it — we simply acqui- 
esced. 

Agnes. Oh ! Aren't you horrid ! Of course they praised 
it, Blanche, only they're ashamed to say so. So many girls 
hate to confess their finer feelings. 

Blanche. Yes. Well, what's the subject of this flight? 

Agnes. The subject of this poem is, "A Distant Lover to 
His Beloved." 

Alice. How sweet ! 

(Ruth laughs aside and exits c. ) 



14 LOST — A CHAPERON 

Agnes. It's in a sort of blank verse that E.aymond's been 
experimenting in lately. I hope you'll like it. It's not like 
Shakespeare's blank verse, you know — it's something Raymond 
has invented. He's getting so he doesn't believe in rhyme at 
all. He says blank verse is so much more free — you can ex- 
press so much more in it. 1 don't know, though, I used to 
love his lyrics. 

Alice. What kind is this? 

Agnes. Well, — this is — er — er — well, I don't know, to tell 
the truth, just what kind of poem he does call this one. 1 
think it's an elegy. 

{The others smother their laughter.^ 

Enter Ruth, c. 

Blanche. Well, let's have it. 
Ruth. Yes, we're crazy to hear it. 
Alice. We just are. 
Blanche. Come on. 

Agnes. Well, then, hearken. {Reads ; girls talk to one 
another.') 

I sit by the restless flicker of a dozen candles. 

Dreaming of thee, love, of thee ; 
My soul leaps forth from within my stalwart breast 

Whilst thinking of tliee, love, of thee. 
Within me, storms and tempests rage unceasing. 
Tossed by conflicting thoughts, sleepless I wake; 
Yet, in my dreams is but one shining figure 
Standing clad in garments of resplendent white, 

{She brushes shirt-waist tvith hattdkerchief before reading 
the next line.) 

Ah, love, 'tis thee ! " 
Thai's the first stanza. 

{Girls look vp and smile.') 

Blanche. The thonglu was perfectly sweet. 

Alice {seriously). I think it's almost good enough for the 
{insert some local paper). 

Agnes. Well, here's the second — the climax comes in this. 
{Girls resume talking. They listen more, however, than be- 
fore, while she reads. Exit Ruth, c.) 



LOST — A CHAPERON I5 

" While through the pathless, wooded wilds I stray, 
Dreaming of thee, love, of thee — 
My step is firm, elastic, full of grace (^smiling fondly), 

Thinking of thee, love, of thee. 
And, when I wander on the ocean's sandy shore, 
And watch the angry billows lash themselves in spray 
Though yet so far away, still do I feel afraid 
Their rage may reach me, though I be on shore ; 
Ah, love, I think of thee ! " 
{Girls almost choke in their handkerchiefs.') What in the 
world are you laughing at ? 

Alice. I don't think that's very complimentary to send a 

girl. 

Blanche. Like a fellow who sent me a book once for 
Christmas, — "Wild Animals I Have Known." 

Agnes. Why, my dear, it isn't meant to be personal. It 
isn't an epistle, it's an elegy. I'm afraid you don't appreciate 
it. 

Alice (aside ; to Blanche). I'm not afraid, I'm sure. 

Agnes. Well, now, here is the third verse. 

Enter Ruth, c. 
Ruth (groaning). Another ? I thought that was the end. 
Alice. Why, Ruth, how ignorant you are — it's a tragedy 
in five acts. 

Agnes. An elegy in three stanzas, Alice. This is the 
third. (Reads.) 

"I wandered in the forest glades at eventide," 
Alice {aside; to Ruth). I thought we left him on the 
beach ! 
Agnes. 

"Thinking of thee, love, of thee." 
Blanche (aside ; to Alice). I've got so I know when 
that's coming. 
Agnes. 
" I listened to the birds singing their glad good-night. 
Ah, love, I dreamed of thee. 
But of a sudden in my path a loathsome thing rose up. 
I cried aloud — 
(Marjorie Tyndall enters L. She is not a girl of mvch 
assertion. She is rather colorless and is easily led by the 
others. Agnes looks up but continues reading dramat- 
ically. ) 



1 6 LOST — A CHAPERON 

' Back ! Back ! Detested toad, away ! ' " 

Mar. (c). Detested toad ! Why, Agnes Arabella Bates ! 
What do you mean by that? {The rest are convulsed?) 
Well, what's the joke ? 

Agnes. There isn't any. 

Mak. What do you mean, then ? What did you yell that 
at me for when I came in ? " Detested toad ! " That's nice, 
1 must say, and you down here on my invitation. 

Agnes. 1 was just reading to the girls this poem of Ray- 
mond's that he sent me, that's all there is to it — and )'OU hap- 
pened to come in just as I got to the apostrophe. 

Mar. Apostrophe ! That's no place for an apostrophe — 
it ought to be an exclamation point. It's sensational truck, I 
must say. Did he ever read " Tracy the Bandit " ? 

Agnes {shocked). No ! 

Mar. I thought perhaps he found it in there. 

Agnes. Raymond doesn't read such books. 

Mar. Oh, very well. 

Ruth. I guess that will hold you for a while. 

Agnes. I'll read the rest of the verse and then you can see 
how well the apostrophe fits in. 

{Takes tip paper ; everybody looks alarmed?) 

Mar. No, you don't, if you please. None for mine. {^To 
banister L. c. and leans.) Say, to change the subject, how did 
you all sleep last night ? I know how Blanche slept. She 
didn't. Auntie's not showing up got her scared. 

Blanche. It did not — I wasn't scared a bit. 

Mar. Why didn't you sleep better then? You were 
tossing about like a boat in a storm. You fairly made me 
seasick. 

Blanche. Because I never can sleep in a strange bed until 
after a night or two. 

Mar. Heaven preserve us ! How many nights are you 
going to keep that up? I'll let you stay with Aggie to-night 
whether auntie comes or not. You kept me awake most all 
night. Mercy, 'twas awful. 

Blanche. Well, I'm sorry, but I wanted company. You 
would if you'd been in my boots. I didn't want to stay awake 
all alone. 

Ruth. I'm glad my roommate isn't like you. Alice 
sleeps so sound you can hardly get her up. 



LOST A CHAPERON I7 

Mar. That's because she was awake all night. 

Alice. I guess that's it. 1 sympathize with Blanche. The 
bed felt so strange. 

Ruth. I guess you were just plain scared, that's what I 
guess. 

Alice. I was not — not a bit! Why should I be ? We 
locked the doors and shuttered the windows so nobody could 
get in. Besides, who's around, anyway ? 

{Noise outside of crashing through twigs and branches. 
All alarmed, rise ; Agnes seizes her letter from the 
table. ^ 

Blanche. What was that ? 

Ruth. Perhaps 'twas a dog. 

Alice. Go and look. 

Mar. No, you go. 

Alice. I'm not dressed. All of you go. 

Ruth. Come on. 

(Blanche to window r. , pulling Mar., and looks out. 
Agnes /// r. ; Ruth and Alice c.) 

Blanche. Nobody here. 

(^All return sloivly to original positions.^ 

Alice. Hum ! Somebody luas there, though. 

Mar. Well, there's a lumberman's camp not far from here. 

{Sits l. of fable.) 

Alice. There is ? 

Mar. Yes. That was probably one of them. I've heard 
they're not a very nice lot— :-they drink and everything. 

{Girls look shocked.) 

Alice. Oh ! I didn't know that. 

x\gnes {sitting v.. of table). I guess none of us did. Why 
didn't you tell us ? 

Mar. I didn't have the heart. You'd have been fright- 
ened worse than ever. 

All. But we weren't. (Mar. laughs.) 

Ruth (/!^ Mar.). I bet j£'« were. 

Mar. {indiofiantly). I 7vas not. I'm never frightened. 
I can go away alone anywhere, and be perfectly calm. Be- 



1 8 LOST A CHAPERON 

sides, I guess if anything happened here, one of us could con- 
trive to find George. 

All. George ? George ? George who ? 

Mar. George Higgins, my cousin. 

Blanche. Where is he ? 

Mar. Over on the opposite lake shore somewhere. I 
guess it wouldn't be hard to find. 

Alice. Why, I didn't know he was anywhere around. 
You don't tell us anything. (Coy/y.) Is he nice? 

Mar. Well, I suppose it sounds queer, but I really couldn't 
tell you. 

Blanche. Couldn't tell? Why? 

Mar. Because I haven't seen him for two or three years. 

Ruth. Why ! 

Mar. And auntie says he's changed a lot. (^Incredu- 
lously.') She says he's grown belter looking. You see since 
I've been at Norlharapton I'm not home much of the year, and 
he goes to Tuft's. He lives there and he doesn't go home any 
oftener than possible — only when he gets out of money and -a 
letter won't pull it. Don't you girls know him ? You must 
have seen him. 

Ruth. Not that I knov/ of. We've heard his name. We 
may know him by sight, but that's all. 

Agnes. Isn't that droll ? 

Blanche. I guess he isn't one of that soft crowd that 
hangs round tiie library all the time. 

Agnes. Raymond's in this region somewhere. He wrote 
me he was. Wait a minute. I'll get the letter. 

Mar. (Jiaslily'). Oh, never mind. We'll believe you. 
He's probably one of those lumbermen. 

Alice. That drink and shoot {All grin.') 

RuTi-i. He'd probably been doing both before he wrote 
that poetry. {All laugh ^ 

Agnes. Wliy, Ruth ! 

Blanche. When's your aunt coming, Marjorie ? 

Mar. I can't tell — I haven't any idea. vShe m;iy not 
come till to-morrow. I wrote her to meet us here Tuesday — 
she may have mistaken it for Thursday. Tuesday does look 
something like Thursday when it's written. 

Alice. Not if you spell it right. {All laugh.) 

Mar. There's no use telling me — you girls are scared 
blue. Just look at Alice there. 

Alice. Oh, why do you keep harping on that? If I'm 



LOST A CHAPERON 1 9 

blue, it's because I'm cold. I doa't see what you keep saying 
i'm scared for, Marjorie Tyndall. You know very well I'm 
the bravest thing that ever happened. Why, one night at 
home I'd gone to bed, everybody in the house was asleep, 
and 'twas awful dark and creepy like, and I woke up and 
heard it raining. And what did I do but jump up and go 
up-stairs in the attic, all alone, and shut the windows so it 
couldn't rain in. {Recited very emphatically J) 

All {incredulously). You didn't ! I bet you didn't ! 
Honest? (.\lice nods emphatically.) 

{Knock on the door. All jump and look terrified. Blanche 
runs half-way up-stairs.) 

Ruth, What do you suppose that is? 
Alice. At such a diabolical hour ! 

Agnes {peeking cautiously out of window u. i, and drawing 
back quickly). It's a woman and two girls. 

{Signs of relief among the girls.) 

Blanche {running down-stairs and crossing to R.). Did 
they see you ? 

Agnes. I don't think so. 

Mar. We better open the door. 

Alice. And here 1 am in my kimono ! {Girls laugh.) 

Blanche {after peeking out). Go to the door, Ruth. 

Alice. I guess I'll vamoose for a while. Don't keep 
them too long. {As she runs up-stairs l.) See you later. 

\_Exit, L. 

Ruth. You go, Marjorie. 

Mar. No, you. 

(Ruth goes to door r. 2 a., just as another knock is heard. 
Everybody starts, then they laugh. Ruth draws bolt 
and opens door a crack, peeking out. ) 

Mrs. Sparrow {without). Howdy do? My name's Spar- 
row. I'm Abe Sparrow's wife that lives up yander nigh 
tlie lake. Me 'n' Liz 'n' Mandy was 'round this way, so we 
thought we'd jes' drop in to see if you wanted any veg't'bles. 
{Pushes door open and enters R. 2 v.., follo7ved by Lizzie and 
Mandy. Mrs. S. is about forty-five, rather rustic-looking ; 
Lizzie and Mandy are sixteen and eighteen respectively. All 
three are dressed like rustics, ivearing sunbonnets.) Well, 
say, you be pretty well fixed up here already, ain't yer? 



20 LOST A CHAPERON 

Lizzie {enthusiasiically). Lordy, ain't it pretty, ma? 

(Mandy nudges her and she subsides.') 

Mrs. S. I should say. 

Mandy. Look at them college flags. (^To Ruth.) Ee 
they yourn ? 

Ruth. No, they belong to Marjorie. 

{Puts her arm around Mak., and draivs her fortaard.) 

Mrs. S. I wan' t' know ! You've sure got things looking 
pretty nice. Where's that door go to? 
Mar. To the kitchen. 
Mrs. S. I wan' t' know. 
Lizzie. When'd yer come? 

(Mandy nudges her.) 
Ruth. Last night. 

(Agnes is surveying them in silent dismay. Pause.) 

Mrs. S. Well, what we come fer — I wan' t' know if you 
gals wouldn't like some 'taters, corn, or coocumbers? Where's 
yer ma ? Ain't she come ? 

Mar. My mother? She 

Blanche. She isn't up yet. (Mrs. S. and daughters look 
shocked.) She's awful lazy. {Girls smother their hiughter.) 

Mandy. I wan' t' know. 

Blanche. So we can't find out what she's done about things 
till she gets up. We can let you know later. 

Ruth {aside to Mar. rt//^ Blanche). You might get a few 
things. 

Mar. Ye-es. 

Blanche {aside to Mar.). You've got enough stuff to last 
till your aunt comes. Don't bother so far ahead. 

Mar. {7veakly). All right. 

Mandy. Couldn't yer ask yer ma if she wouldn't like to 
buy somethin' ? 

Mar. Wliy, I — I might. 

Ruth. No, you couldn't, Marj. She's asleep. It's only 
half-pnst seven, and you know she never wakes up till eight. 
(Mrs. S. and daughters look at each other.) Yon told us so 
yourself. 



LOST A CHAPERON 21 

Mar. {bewildered). I did ? 

Blanche {imaging Mar.). Yes, of course you did. 

Mrs. S. So yer don't think yer want an'tiiin' ? Not a sin- 
gle cooc' ? 

Mar. I don't believe so. 

Blanche. We'll come over and see you when we do. 

Mrs. S. Waa], do. I'd jes' love to have yer. The gals 
would, too. Lizzie's kind o' furrard, but she's a good gal ; 
and everybody alius takes ter Mandy. 1 know yer'd enj'y 
yers elves. 

{Looks ai Agnes who is by herself, l. c, at foot of stairs.) 

Agnes. Yes. 

Lizzie. We'd better be startin', ma. 

(Mandy fiudges her.) 

Mrs. S. I s'pose we had. Well, I hope yer will want 
somethin'. Let yer have 'em real cheap, and '11 be mighty 
glad ter see yer. Come 'long, gals. {Fushes Lizzie and 
Mai^dy out ahead.) 'Bye, 'bye. [Exeunt, R. 2 e. 

Ruth, ^ 

Mar. I ^ , , 

Blanche. [Good-bye. 

Agnes. J 

(Ruth closes door.) 

Alice {appearing at top of staircase, still in negligee, 
zvhispering). Have they gone ? 

Ruth. Yes. Come on down. 

Alice {coming down-stairs and going to Morris chair). 
What did they want? 

Blanche (c). To sell us some "cooes." 

Alice. Ccocs ? 

Ruth (r.). Yes. Cucumbers. {All laugh.) 

Agnes. Weren't they strange? 

Blanche. I should say so. 

Mar. Did you see how scared Ruth was to open the door ? 

Ruth. I wasn't. You all think you're so brave here. I've 
got a story that can beat Alice's. 

Blanche. You have ? 

Alice. Let's hear it. 

Ruth. Well, listen — one time I was silting by the window 
in my room and a mouse ran right across the floor side of me. 



22 LOST — A CHAPERON 

All. No ! I bet you were frightened. I gucbs you jumped ! 
Oh! 

Ruth. Well, I did not. I sat perfectly still. 

All. Oh-h-h ! 

Ruth. And it was an awfully low chair, loo. 

{Repeated exclamations of wonder.) 

Alice. If a mouse did that when I was round I'd shoot it. 

All. Shoot it ? 

Alice. Yes. I'm awfully fond of shooting, and I'm a 
great shot, too. I simply dole on a gun. {All horrified.') 

Agnes (l.). They're trying to make out they're the only 
ones here that are brave. Hum ! I'd like to sleep outdoors 
to-night, right on the ground, with nothing over me. 

Ruth (l. c). Why, Agnes ! 

Blanche (aside). Gee ! Agnes getting sporty ! 

Agnes. 1 mean no roof or house or anything like that. 

All {disappointed). Oh ! 

Agnes. So I could look straight up at the stars and the 
moon. Oh, I should just love to sleep in the open ! It must 
be perfectly delicious ! 

Ruth {aside). Slush ! 

Mak. (r. c). I tell you, let's sleep out on the piazza, if 
auntie isn't here. 

Alice (l.). Oh, let's. That's great. 

Agnes. But that's tame — there's a roof on that. 

Ruth. Well, Aggie dear, we'll let you sleep in the woods, 
if you want to. We prefer beds. 

Blanche. Hammocks, you mean. That's what we'll get 
on the piazza. 

Alice. Gemini ! But hammocks are terribly uncomfortable. 

Mar. Squealer ! 

Alice. I'm not, but I want to be comfortable. 

Blanche. So do I, but I'll sleep anywhere the rest do, just 
out of spite. I'm sociable, lam. If I stay awake — well! I 
guess ihey will. 

Mar. I hope to goodness you won't. All right ; if it's 
pleasant then, we sleep on the piazza ! 

All {joyously). Yes ! Yes ! 

Mak. You bet we'll have plenty of fun. 

Agnes. How many hammocKS have you got, Marjorie ? 

Mau. Four, I think. 



LOST A CHAPERON 23 

Alice. You can sleep in the woods, Aggie. 

Agnes. I want to be where you people are, though I still 
thiak 'twould be great fun to lie on the ground like boys. 

Blanche. You can sleep under the piazza then, if you 
want to. 

Alice. Mine for a hammock ! The ground's too hobblety. 

Blanche. I'm hungry. 

Agnes {startled). Why ! 

Ruth. Got the breakfast, Aggie? 

Agnes. Why, you know — I 

Mar. What ! 

Agnes. I forgot all about it. (^A /I groan.') 

Alice. Forgot all about it ? For the love of Mike ! I'm 
going back to bed. [IVinks at Ruth.) 

Mar. (Jo Agnes). Well, you little dear ! Living in camp 
with you will be one grand, sweet song. 

Agnes. Oh, but you know, I got to reading that poem of 
Raymond's 

Blanche. Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond ! 
Nothing but Raymond. You really ought to wear a placard 
round your neck — "Sold out to Raymond." (Ail laugh.) 

Ruth. Well, you forgot it, but we didn't. While you were 
spouting, I was getting the breakfast. 

Agnls. Why ! 

Alice {aside to Ruth). I'm so glad. (Ruth laughs.) 
Well, come on in and eat, girls. {Aii start out c.) 
Blanche. Do we ideally sleep outdoors to-night ? 
Alice. Do we? 
Ruth. Well, rather ! 

(Agnes returns, gets letter from table and exits hurriedly.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE. — Higgins' camp at Sherivood ; the exterior shoiving 
R. the side of a canvas tent. The entrance is Just off stage, 
R., hidden. Clothes-line stretched across between tent and 
set tree ; on it are khaki shirt, pants, pair of old colored 
socks, necktie, hat, etc. , himg up in all kinds of ways to dry. 
Barrel L. C, excelsior shoiving inside, the top lying beside 
it. Around the tent everything is in disorder. Cans, fish- 
ing tackle, etc., thrown down indiscrifnitiately. Leaves 
around on the stage. At the rise of the curtain Jack 
Abbott is engaged in cutting bread, c, hugging the loaf. 
Jack is a liappy-go- lucky felloiv, fond of the girls and always 
ready for a lark. 

Enter George Higgins from tent after a moment, wearing a 
blanket around hivi, pinned zviih large safety-pins. lie 
is a good-natured fellow with an uifortunate faculty of 
getting in wrong. He passes over to the line in a melan- 
choly way and squeezes water out of the shirt. Speaks 
sadly. 

Geo. Say, Jack, do you s'pose those things will ever dry? 
Jack. Sure. Why don't you fan them ? 

{Sets barrel up, stuffs in excelsior and puis board over top. 
Lays loaf, slices and knife on it.) 

Geo. Oh, if you love me, Jack, whistle for a breeze. 

(Jack laughs.) 

Jack. That's the worst of having an under supply of 
clothes, George. Why don't you put your hat on? You're 
only half dressed. {Calls.) Fred! 

Fred Lawton {without). Wliatcher want? 

Jack. Toss me out a devil, will you ? 

FuED {without). Oh, sure. 

{Appears R. and tosses can of deviled ham to Jack. Exit.) 
24 



LOST A CHAPERON 25 

Jack {looking it over). He didn't give me anything to 
open it with. Hey ! 

Fred (without). What? 
Jack. Throw me out the shears. 

(Goes R. E flier Fred, with scissors. Hands them to him.) 

Fred. Now I hope you're fixed for a while. 

Geo. For criminy's sake, Fred, rush the drinks. 

Fred. Wait till they're ready, can't you ? 

Geo. Heaven's sake ! I should think it ought to be done 
by this time. Seems though I'd been up hours. 

Fred. You'd been in hours if we hadn't come to your 
rescue. 

Geo. Oh, cut it. 

(^Exit Fred ; Jack is working with bread and ham, using 
bread-knife to spread ham.) 

Jack. He's a deuce of a cook. He said he could make 
bread. (Hits it with knife.) Why, this knife was sharp 
when I started. (Pulls his finger over blade.) Look at the 
darned thing now ! 

Geo. Say, I didn't notice what you were up to. Give us 
one. 

Jack. One of what ? 

Geo. One of those. 

(Jack licks ham off end of knife.) 

Jack. 'Tisn't time for breakfast yet. 

Geo. Well, I'm hungry, I want to have you know. 

( Takes sandwich and begins to eat. ) 

Jack. Nothing like an early morning plunge for an appe- 
tite, George. 

Enter Fred, r., with coffee. He is a stolid fellow, something 
of a plodder, and the butt of the others, with, however, a 
dry humor of his own. 

Geo. {laughing). Why, here's our little tortoise with the 
drinks. Welcome, Ganymede, welcome to our midst. (Fred 
gives them coffee and exits R. Geo. and Jack take some of the 
bread and ham and sit doivn on ground ; Geo. r., and Jack 
c.) Say, he isn't such an awful bad cook, what do you think? 



26 LOST A CHAPERON 

Jack. Oh, so-so. 

Geo. Well, this coffee isn't bad— could be worse. 

Jack. You're right there. It's blamed good. 

Geo. I s'pose the bread could be harder. 

Jack. No, Georgie, no. I agreed to the coffee, but I can't 

to that. No, no. It couldn't be any harder and be bread. 

Enter Fred, r., witli. his coffee ; goes to barrel, helps himself, 
and sits L. 

Fred. The bread is a little heavy. It's the first time I 
ever wound any out of a patent maker. 

Jack. Well, cheer up, old top. We have our revenge — 
you have to eat here, too. 

Fred. Oh, I'll take my turn at your joshing — somebody's 
got to. I've got to protect Georgie here — he hasn't much pro- 
tection as it is, in the clothes line. 

Geo. Oh, forget it. 

Fred {laughing). I bet a cigar you can't. Why don't 
you learn how to paddle your own canoe? 

Geo. Why don't you learn how to cook? I don't believe 
you ever did any before. You're trying it on us. 

Jack. On the dog. 

Fred. No, I'm not, on the level. I have cooked in the 
far away past, and I'll be all right this time when I get used 
to a kerosene stove. 

Jack. What do you generally use, for heaven's sake? 

Fred. Denatured alcohol, smarty. 

Geo. Oh, don't get sore. To tell the truth, Fred, you're 
really remarkable, I think. You not only cook well, but you 
make a great variety. 

Jack. In other words, his repertoire is large. 

Geo. Exactly. You are without doubt a magnificent cook. 
Witness? Evidence? This bread, noble work of culinary 
genius. Few people know how to make bread like this. 

Jack. Few want to. 

Geo. It takes a massive head like yours, Fred, to make 
massive bread like this. 

Fred. Georgie here doesn't go in for cooking. He doesn't 
like it. 

Geo. I'm bright enough to know I can't. 

Fred. The only thing he does really well is fishing. 
(Geo. 's face falls.) He's a shark at that. 

Jack. But he has to be careful not to hook too big a fish. 



LOST A CHAPERON 27 

Fred. Ha, ha ! That's right. Teacher, why is tlie canoe 
so wobbly ? 

Geo. Oh, cut the chatter. You don't suppose I did it 
with malice or forethought, do you? 

Jack. We can't help it when we see how handsome you 
look in that blanket. 

(Fred and Jack laugh ; Geo. is eating.') 

Geo. What have you got up your sleeve to soak us with 
for dinner, hein ? {Shift positioris.) 

Jack. Well, will you listen to that ! 

Fred. There's no filling his pod. I've said that before. 

Jack. He does beat the Dutch for wanting to be fed. 

Fred. He isn't through breakfast before he v/ants to know 
what he is going to get next. 

Jack. It's a compliment to your cooking, Fred. 

Geo. ' Tis not. 

(J'hey laugh.) 

Jack. Now I guess you're stung. 

Geo. Well, what is it to be, Fred? 

Fred. Quail on toast. 

Jack. That's great. 

Geo. Quail is a noble animal. But on the level, old shirt, 
what are v/e going to draw ? 

Fred. On the level, old blanket, rice. 

Geo. Rice? 

Fred. Yes. I put it on half an hour ago. 

Jack. Half an hour ago? Gee! And we don't have 
dinner for four hours. Why didn't you start it yesterday? 

Geo. I should say yes ! 

Fred. Well, you see I don't know just how long 'twill 
take. I never cooked any before. 

Geo. Say, the number of things you own up you've 
cooked before grows smaller and smaller as the time goes on. 

Fred. Where I used to go, I cooked fish. 

(Jack laughs.) 

Jack. I hope you've boiled enough of the Chinaman's 
food. 

Fred. Three quarts. 

Geo. Is that enough ? 

Fred. Yes, it swells, you know. 



25 LOST A CHAPERON 

Jack. Oh ! 

Geo. Well, let's hope so. 

(Fred has finished eatmg.^ 

Fred (c, risi?ig). Come on, Georgie, and help me cart this 
stuff in, (^Gathers up bread, cati, cups, etc.^ Perhaps, though, 
you'd rather squat out here. I'll bring you out your pipe, 
and if anybody goes by and sees you in that rig, he'll take 
you for a wooden Indian in front of a cigar store. 

(Jack rises.) 

Geo. (rising). Oh, get out. Quit. 

{He takes some of the things and goes toward tent with 
Jack and Fred.) 

FuED {on ahead). You'd better sort out that fishing tackle, 
Jack, that we pulled out of the lake wiih Georgie ; 'twill im- 
prove your mind in dull hours. {Enters tent.) 

Jack. May improve my mind, but not my disposition. I'll 
tell you that much. 

Fked {without). For Pete's sake ! 

Geo. {rushing out, speaking fromwithout). And the same 
here ! 

(Fred conies out followed by Geo.) 

Jack (l.). What's up? 

Fred (c). The tent's full of rice. 

Jack. Full of rice ? What do you mean ? 

Geo. (r.). The rice has swelled as he said it would, and 
if it keeps on at the rate it's been going for the last ten minutes, 
we'll have to move out in just about half an hour. 

Jack {entering tent). What in thunder's eating you ? 
{Reenters.) What are you going to do with it ? We ought 
to have brought a wash-tub. 

Fred. We'll have to scoop it up. I'll tend to it. You 
fellows stay out — there isn't room inside. \^Exit. 

Geo. Say, what do you know {They laugh.) 

Jack. Did it swell, did it swell ? {At tent.) It did. The 
kettle's full of it, the stove's covered with it, the ground's 
piled with it. Did it swell, did it swell ? {Down c.) It 
did. If I ever come to have a small family of large chil- 
dren, I'll feed them on rice. It's cheap. A spoonful will last 



LOST A CHAPERON 2() 

them a week. It's healthful. I've forgotten how many pounds 
of beefsteak it's equal to, but it beats any breakfast food I 
ever struck, 

£/i^er Fred, r. 

Fred. Say, what'U we put the rest into ? 

Geo. What have you done with the first of it? 
Fred. I filled your suit case. 

G^O. Great Scott ! Six plunks 1 

{Rushes frantically inside.) 

Jack. Well, Fred, are we going to have enough for dinner ? 
(Fred aims as if to hit him and Jack ducks. Exit Fred, r. 
Jack yells after him.) I'm glad you didn't put it on yester- 
day — we'd have all been smothered in the night. {Goes over 
toward fishing tackle on tree.) Rice swells. It certainly do. 

Enter Fred. 

Fred. Is there an empty pail out here ? 

Jack. Ya. Here's one George used for worms. 

Fred. Gosh ! I don't want that. 

Jack. How are you getting along ? Has the swelling gone 
down any ? 

Fred. Some, but about all our tinware is in use now. I 
don't know what we are going to do. 

Jack. Have you taken it off the stove yet ? 

Fred. Most of it. 

Jack. Most of it ! Suffering Moses ! 'Twill swell forever 
if you don't take it off. 

Fred. Come on in and help. 

Jack. No, thanks. (Sings.) "I'd rather be on the out- 
side looking in." You know how I /<?<?/. (Exit Fred hastily 
R., laughing. Jack picks up fishing tackle and starts to look 
it over. Enter Geo. and crosses l.) Hullo. Say, you ought 
to keep in the background. Your style of beauty harmonizes 
better with internal objects. You'd make a darn sight better 
mural painting than external decoration. 

Geo. (c). Come on in and help with the rice. 

Jack. Relatives and friends kindly omit rice — that is, when 
they speak to me. I'm getting sick of the word. Three 
quarts ! He might have known. 

Geo. Well, you didn't. 



30 



LOST A CHAPERON 



Jack. I don't pretend to be a great chef. That jay does. 
Go on in and help him yourself. 1 feel my temper sagging in 
the middle over those fish lines. [Exit Geo., r. Jack bothers 
about for a few minutes, then enter slowly at L. Ruth. 
She stands silent for a mo7nent. Jack throws down a line.') 
Coises ! (Ruth starts and coughs. Jack looks tip, sees her, 
drops line and stands looking.) Gee ! {He rushes to tent.) 
Stay in there, for heaven's salte ! (^Returns.) 

Ruth {timidly). I — er— beg — your pardon, but — is this — 
Mr. — George — Higgins' camp ? 

Jack {cof?iing forward). Yes, Miss — er — er — {she does7i't 
volunteer) yes, it is. 

Ruth. Well, could I speak to him for a moment, please? 
{^xcvi looks perplexed.) I won't be long. Just a minute. 

(Jack turns and looks at clothes on the line.) 

Jack. I don't think it's possible for you to see Mr. Higgins 
this morning, Miss — er — er. Miss er — er. 

Ruth. Not possible? I won't keep him long. 

Jack. Yes, I know it — that is, I don't suppose so — I mean 
to say — that's all right — of course you wouldn't, but you see. 
Miss er — er 

Ruth. What ? He isn't sick, is he ? 

Jack. Oh, no — that is, not yet. I should say, not exactly. 
He fell — I mean — he slipped, and he's confined to his blanket 
— er — bed {looking at clothes on line critically) for probably the 
Avhole morning. But Miss er — er — er 

Ruth. French. 

Jack. I'd never dream it. You speak English like a 
native. 

Ruth. French is my name. 

Jack (beaming). Oh, I beg your pardon. Yes, oh, yes, 
Miss French, Miss French. Wouldn't I do just as well, Miss 
French ? We aren't much on hospitality here, but I'll do my 
da — er — best. Can't I take a message? 

Ruth. Well — er — perhaps I could tell you just as well. 
(Jack looks pleased.) You see, it's this way ; I'm camping 
with his cousin at her camp, and 

Jack. Way off there ? Gee ! You must be awfully tired. 
Won't you sit down? {She looks around in vain for a scat. 
He doesn't notice.) Wouldn't you like some water or some 
refreshments ? {She shakes her head ; joyfully.) Wouldn't you 
like some rice ? 



LOST — A CHAPERON 3 1 

HaXH {^surprised). Rice? 

Jack. Yes, it'b great. Sit down, sit down. [Helps her up 
on the barrels) Now, won't you have some? 

Ruth. No, thanks. I'm all right. We've just this minute 
had breakfast. 

Jack (c). Well, you got here pretty quick. 

Ruth. Yes, I'm really — er — er — I'm really much dis- 
turbed. Do you know we are in an awful pickle — you won't 
tell a soul, will you ? 

Jack. No, not on my tintype. 

Ruth. Well, be sure. Don't let on to anybody. 

Jack. Sure thing. 

Ruth. Well, our chaperon didn't show up last night. 

Jack {pretending to be horrified'). Say, why didn't you let 
us know ? 

Ruth {jwt heeding). And we stayed there all night with- 
out her ! You just guess how frightened I was. I hardly slept 
a wink. 

Jack. I don't blame you. A strange place is so lonesome. 

{Gets tip closer.) 

Ruth. It's such a spooky place, too. (Shudders.) I heard 
all sorts of noises. And you know the worst of it is that no- 
body else in the house was scared a bit. Not one of those girls 
is frightened at all. 

Jack. Oh, but they're kidding you. 

Ruth. But they're not. None of them really are one bit 
scared. They're an awfully cold-blooded set. It's worse than 
being lonesome, to be all alone with them. 

Jack. I should guess yes. 

Ruth. I was terribly frightened, and I'm not all over it 
yet. You seem to think it was a joke, but I'm sure you 
wouldn't if you had been in my place. I never had so uncom- 
fortable a feeling. 

Jack. Where? What is it? (Solicitously.) Won't you 
take something? Better try some rice. 

Ruth. I had it last night. I haven't it now, foolish. 

Jack. Well, there's no use crying over spilled milk. It 
will sour if it isn't wiped up — that's all there is to it. 

Ruth. Well, but won't you fellows take pity on a poor girl 
and help her out ? 

Jack. Gladly, but how ? 



32 LOST A CHAPERON 

Ruth. By scaring the otlieis. 

Jack. What others ? 

Ruth. The rest of the girls at our camp. I'll tell you my 
idea. Now couldn't you boys pull down your hats and turn 
up your collars and come around our camp to-night? You 
could fire off your pistols and hammer on the doors, so some 
of the others would get frightened. They're the worst crowd ! 
One even suggested that to-night we should sleep out on the 
ground ! 

Jack {enthusiastically). Gee ! Going to ? 

Ruth {haughtily). Of course not ! [His face falls.) 

Jack. Oh ! 

Ruth. Well, will you do what I asked you to ? 

Jack. Oh, we couldn't. 

Ruth. Please. 

Jack. There are so many of you, that it wouldn't helj-) at 
all those whom it would inconvenience like the deuce. 

Ruth. Rubbish ! Why won't you? 

Jack. Well, to tell the truth, the honest, straight, two by 
four, unvarnished truth, — that is, not to lie 

Ruth. Well ? 

Jack. We've been up late these past few nights and we need 
the sleep. 

Ruth. Oh, you ninny ! 

Jack. Oh, but we do, you know. We're camping for our 
health, and we have to be very prudent. And then again, we 
have to be careful of our hearts — not to excite them 

Ruth. Why ? 

Jack. Because they're so weak. 

Ruth {laughing). Yes. I should think they might be. 
(Geo. comes out of tent in his blanket with a suit-case held 
partially open.) For mercy's sake ! 

Jack. Gee whiz! {Rushes at Geo., turns him around, 
and pushes him toward tent.) You Johnny ! Didn't you see 
the girl ? 

Geo. Girl? No! Where? Leggo ! 

Jack. Turn round, you idiot ! Beat it ! You don't know 
what a sight you are. 

Geo. {piteotisly ; in stage luhisper). How long before my 
clothes will dry? 

Jack. Darned if I know. 

Geo. Can't you keep her here till they do? \_Exif, R. 

Jack {rushing back). As I was saying, I don't believe 'twill 



LOST A CHAPERON 3^ 

be necessary to give you any help. I feel it in my bones the 
chaperon will come to-day. 
Ruth. Who was that ? 
Jack. That? What do you mean ? 
Ruth. That man that just came out. 
Jack. Oh, that's our cook. 
RurH. Why does he wear a blanket ? 
Jack. Blanket? What blanket? Oh, yes! Ha! Ha! 
The blanket ! No wonder you noticed it. That's a little fad 
of his. Ha ! Ha ! We see so much of it, we get used to it, 
but I suppose it does strike a stranger as funny. 

Ruth {lirawing bacJi). Fad? He isn't crazy, is he? 
Jack. Oh, never. He's pt^rfectly well-behaved. 
Ruth. Oh ! {Gets off barrel.^ So you don't think you'll 
come ? 

Jack. Well, I'll tell you. If the chaperon doesn't come 
before night, you let us know. Trot over and tell us. (Ruth 
shivers.) It doesn't seem half so far v/hen it's dark and 'twill 
be lots of fun. I'll see you home. Tlien we'll give them a 
perfectly lovely scare. But we don't want to do anything that 
will pull down your chaperon's indignation on us. 

Ruth. Well, will you come if the chaperon isn't there? 
Jack. Sure. 

Ruth. Oh, thank you, Mr. — 

Jack. Abbott, Abbott; excuse me, should have told you 
before — Abbott, Jack Abbott. 

Ruth {shaking hands with hini). Thank you ever and ever 
so much, Mr. Abbott. (Jack simpers.) You've been awfully 
good to me. 

Jack {remotistratingly). Oh, Miss French ! 
Ruth. Well, you have, and I appreciate it ; you won't fail 
me, will you ? 
Jack. Never ! 

Ruth. Remember 

Jack. I sure will, I always was good on figures. 

Ruth. If she doesn't arrive 

Jack. We will. 

Ruth. Yes. Oh, thanks again. You make me feel so 
happy. Good-bye. Good-bye, Mr. Abbott. 
Jack. Good-bye, Miss French, good-bye. 

( Waves at intervals after she goes off L.) 
Enter Geo., r. 



34 LOST A CHAP J- RON 

Geo. {whispering loudly). Say, Jack ! — -Say, Jack ! — Jack ! 
{Speaks.') Jack ! 

Jack {turning). What? Oli, you confounded. idiot, what 
in thunder did you have to butt in for? 

Geo. I didn't know there was anybody here. 

Jack. Well, I told you. 

Geo. When ? 

Jack. 1 went over to the tent and told you to stay inside. 

Geo. Oh, is that it? Well, I heard that, but I didn't know 
what for, and 1 didn't suppose you were going to keep me in 
solitary confinement while you flirted with a queen. 

Jack. 1 should think you might have heard us talking. 

Geo. What, cooing like that ? Oh, no ! You spoke too 
low. I couldn't understand any of it. 

Jack. You son of a gun ! Did you come out to listen ? 

Geo. I did, I came out to listen behind that pair of pants. 

Jack. Well, I'm flabbergasted ! Where's Fred? 

Geo. Still collecting rice. 

Jack. I should think he'd have enough specimens by this 
time. 

Geo. Now he's scraping it off the bed. 

Jack. Great Scott ! 

Geo. Gosh ! Some more ! I s'pose I'll have to hide. 

Jack. What is it? {Turns and looks i..) Youbetcher!, 
In there ! {Pushes him off r.) And stay there. 

Geo. Aw, be reasonable. 

Enter Agnes, demurely, l. Jack clears his throat. Agnes 
same. Jack same. 

Agnes. I beg pardon 

Jack {quickly). Yes? 

(Agnes y/zOT/j.) 

Agnes. I beg your pardon, but 

Jack. Yes? 

Agnes, Is Mr. George Higgins here? 

Jack, Mr. George Higgins ? 

Agnes. Yes. Is he here? 

Jack. Yes, er — he — er — is here, that is, — there. 

Agnes. Could I speak with him, please? 

Jack. Well, I'm awfully sorry, but — er — but 

Agnes. He isn't dead, is he ? 



LOST A CHAPERON 35 

(^Fitry anxiously ; comes to c.) 

Jack. Oh, no. 

Agnes. I'm so glad. I thought for a moment it might be 
something serious. 

Jack. Well, 'tis serious. He thinks so, and 1 guess you 
would, if you couldn't — that is — if you were confined to your 
tent. 

Agnes. Oh, is he sick? 

Jack. Not very, no. Just enough to necessitate his re- 
maining in seclusion 

Agnes. Oh ! Well, perhaps you will do just as well. 

Jack. I'm already done. I should say — 1 have already — 
er — that is — {changing his tone) I'll do my best. Won't you 
sit down ? I'm sorry, but this barrel is the only thing we've 
got. Want a boost ? 

{Fixes board, one end on cleat in barrel.) 

Agnes. Sir ! {She doesn't at first want to get up. She 
finally hops and lands on the board on top of barrel.) Could 
I have a drink of water? I'm so thirsty. 

Jack. Certainly. {Starts toward tent, then stops.) You 
wouldn't want some rice, would you? 

Agnes {puzzled). Rice? 

Jack. Yes. It's great — thoroughly swelled, and we've got 
plenty. Won't you try some? 

Agnes. I shouldn't want to rob you. 

Jack. Rob us ! Ha, ha ! Oh, it's no robbery, I assure 
you. We're giving away samples absolutely free. 

{Very businesslike.) 

Agnes. I guess I don't care for any, thank you. 

(jACK^d7<fx out and immediately returns with Fred.) 

Jack. Used all the water ! Well, you'll have to get some 
more, then. Take a pail and go down to the spring. 

Fred. Oh, very well. \_Exit. 

Jack {over to Agnes). He'll be right back with it. 

Enter Fred, r., with pail, and crosses stage to L. ; exits. 
Conversation is slow for a time. 

Agnes. Thank you so much. I didn't realize that I got so 
warm paddling. 

Jack. You came in a canoe ? 



36 LOST A CHAPERON 

Agnes. Yes. I'm stopping with George's — that is, Mr. 
Higgins' 

Jack. His name's George. 

Agnes. Mr. Higgins' cousin, Miss Tyndall. 

Jack. Ah! Is that so? (Pause.) 

Agnes. Do you know any of the girls over there? 

Jack. Why — er — er — I don't know. Who are they? 

Agnes. Well, tliere's Miss Tyndall, Miss Westcolt, Miss 
Bennett, and Miss French, beside myself. 

Jack. 1 know Miss French. 

Agnes. You don't mean it. Isn't that unusual? My 
name's Bates. Perhaps you've heard her speak of me. 

Jack. Oh, yes. Often — often. 

Agnes. Isn't that droll ? 

Jack. It certainly is. My name's Abbott. 

Agnes {thoughtfully). Abbott? Abbott? Abbott? I don't 
think I ever heard her mention a Mr. Abbott. 

Jack. Well, remember me to her, when you see her. 

Agnes. Yes, I certainly will. {Pauses a viomeuf.) Well — 
er — what I came for was to ask a favor of Geo — Mr. Higgins. 

Jack. Why don't you call him George? It's a good deal 
easier. You always say it first, anyway, and you might as 
well let it go. 

Agnes. I don't even know him to speak to. But what I 
was going to say was, our chaperon didn't meet us last night. 

Jack. Why! What was the matter? 

Agnes. She slipped up somewhere. 

Jack. Hurt her any? 

Agnes. No, not that. She missed the train or something. 
All night I was about petrified with fear. 

Jack. You were? 

Agnes. Yes. Oh, it was awful ! I never was so scared 
in my life. And the worst of it is that the others are all so 
cool and collected. Your friend, Ruth French, for instance, 
she's the bravest thing you ever saw. She even wanted to 
sleep out on the piazza to-night. 

Jack. She wanted to? {Laughs.') 

Agnes. Yes. Marjorie proposed it and she backed her up. 
/ wasn't going to be downed. I wouldn't let them think / 
was scared, so I suggested we sleep out in the open. 

Jack. You did? Going to? {Laughs uproariously.') 

Agnes. No. 'Tisn't funny, Mr, Abbott. It's sad. I don't 
know what I'll do. 



LOST — A CHAPERON 37 

Jack. Can't you get out of it ? Have you really got to 
sleep on the ground ? 

Agnes. 1 won't— I know that much. The rest are going 
to sleep in hammocks on the piazza, so I suppose 1 shall. 
And, Mr. Abbott, couldn't you cume over and reason with 
them, so that they'll see the folly of iheir ways? 

Jack. I very much doubt it. You see we have a previous 
engagement for this evening. 

Agmes. Oh, dear 1 Is that so? 

Jack. Let's see ; how far is it to your camp from here ? 

Agnes. Oh, only a little way across the lake. It took me 
about fifteen minutes in a canoe. 

(Jack is fishing about in his pockets.) 

Jack. I've got a map here somewhere or other. Oh, here 
it is. This is it. We're right here, you see. (^Gets up close 
and she hitches away.) Now, your place must be over here 
somewhere. 

Agnes. Yes. (^Hitches aivay a<^ain.') 

Jack. How far is that by the scale? 

( Ge(s up very close ; she tries to get away and in the con- 
fusion slips back into the barrel. He starts to help her. 
She slaps his hand. He stands back ; she is unable to 
get out herself.) 

Agnes. Oh, will you please help me out? (^He does.) I 
think, Mr. Abbott, I must be going. Of course I understand 
very well that a man who would take advantage of a young 
lady as you have just done would not put himself out to aid 
her. 1 comprehend perfectly. Good-morning. 

Jack. But Miss Bates, you 

Agnes {frostily). Good-morning. \_Exit, L. 

Jack. Oh, talcum powder ! 

(^Goes into tent, is heard whistling inside. Then Geo.'s 
voice is heard.) 

Geo. {without). You'll need the flap-jack turner. 

Jack (rvithout). Well, where in heck is it? 

Geo. I left it in the pail outside. {Enter ] kCK, from tent ; 
Geo. appears at entrance.) I had it digging bait. (Jack 
goes over and hunts around and finally pulls it out. As he is 
looking it over and tviping it off, back to audience, Alice 



38 LOST — A CHAPERON 

e7iters L., timidly, yet a trifle coquettishly. Geo. hastily dis- 
appears with a glance of despair. As he goes out.') Gee ! 
but you're popular ! 

Jack. You got this thing devilish dirty with your old 
worms. I'm at raid I'll have to get some soap to clean it. 
{Straightens up and looks at tent where Geo. has disappeared. 
He looks in the other direction and staggers back with fliJp- 
jiick turner in hand. Alice has a big straiv hat in her hand 
and is fanning herself with it, looking demurely on the ground.) 
Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn't see you. Won't you come 
in and sit down? Won't you takeoff your things? I mean 
won't you let me take your hat for you? 

Alice. No, thanks. I can only stay a minute. 

i^Looks down.) 

Jack. Only a minute? {Regretfully.) 

Alice. Yes. I came to see Mr. Higgins. {Same business.) 

Jack. Mr. Higgins? 

Alice. Yes. Can I see him ? 

{Same business. Jack goes over to clothes-line and feels the 
things over very carefully.) 

Jack. Not unless there's a hole in the tent, Miss — er — er — 
Miss — er — er 

Alice. Bennett. 

Jack. Oh, yes, Miss Bennett. Very glad to meet you, 
Miss Bennett. My name is Abbott. They call me Jack for 
short. 

Alice. Glad to know you, Mr. Abbott. {Laughs.) This 
is delightfully informal, isn't it ? 

Jack. You've struck it right there. {Looks totvard tent.) 
Won't you sit down ? {Points to barrel.) 

Alice. Ha ! Ha ! Sit up, I should think. Thanks. 

{She Jumps up on barrel. He steadies it with exaggerated 
care.) 

Jack. Now woulcin't you like something to eat? You 
must have come some distance, — don't you feel hungry? 

{Anxiously.) 

Alice. Oh, no, not at all. 



LOST — A CHAPERON 39 

Jack. Won't you have some rice ? 
Alice. Rice? (^Amazed.) 

Jack. Yes, certainly. Extra good, too. Our cook did it. 
No, it won't be robbery — we have a plenty. Ha ! Ha ! 
You can't give me that excuse. Shall I bring you a pail ? 

Alice. A pail of rice ? Mercy no. Thank you, I don't 
feel like eating anything. I'm all upset. 

Jack (aside). Oh, Lord, another! {To her.) Upset? 
Why, how's that ? 

Alice. Oh, I've been so frightened. You're sure Mr, 
Higgins can't see me ? 

Jack. No, I'm not sure as to that, but I don't believe you'll 
be able to see him. 

Alice. He isn't sick, is he ? 

Jack. Oh, no, I don't think so — that is, perhaps a touch 
of cold, and he may have had some water on the knee, 

Alice. Well, you'll do just as well, I know. You seem to 
be a very sympathetic man. 

Jack {uneasily). Sympathetic? 

Alice. Yes, / think so. Naturally sympathetic, you know, 
not put on at all. Sometimes, though, I think you pretend 
you're not, just to tease. 

Jack {very uneasily). Say, come off. Which are you any- 
way, a clairvoyant or a fortune teller? You said you were 
frightened — do you mean it ? 

Alice {laughing). You don't think I act so, I suppose ? 
Well, I'm not now, but {sobering instantly) I was terribly scared 
last night. Goodness, my hand shook so and you ought to 
have heard my teeth chatter. 

Jack {laughing). Well, you must have had a tough riot. 
What was the matter ? 

Alice. Oh, dear, everything. Our chaperon didn't come 
last night. We're the girls across the lake, you know, with 
Marjorie Tyndall, Mr. Higgins' cousin. That's why I came 
over here to tell Mr. Higgins — he's the only one round for 
miles we've ever heard of, and nobody knows him but Mar- 
jorie. 

Jack. So the chaperon didn't come — why did you ever? 
{Mildly.) Naughty, naughty. 
Alice. Well, what's the matter? 
Jack. Nothing. Why ? 
Alice. You're not surprised at all. 
Jack. Surprised ? 



40 LOST A CHAPERON 

Alice. Yes, because our cliaperon didn't come. 

Jack. Oh, but I am ! Honest to — to — goodness, I am. 

Alice. Well, you don't look it. Anyway, she didn't, and 
last night we girls were all alone. {Tragically.') 

Jack (exaggerating). Gee whiz ! 

Alice. You'd have said "Gee whiz " if you'd been there. 
'Twas simply awful, that's what it was, and the worst of it is — 
to-night we may be in the same fix. 

Jack. Well, why did you come over here — to invite us to 
supper ? 

Alice. Of course not, foolish. I came to see if you 
couldn't think of some way to frighten the other girls. They're 
all as brave as they can be — it's enough to make you sick. 
Ruth French and Marjorie — they're simply bold. It's terrible 
to be the only one in the house that's frightened to death. I'd 
just like to give them a good scare, and then they'd all be will- 
ing to go home. Can't you think of some way ? 

Jack. I don't believe so. We couldn't, you know. Miss 
Bennett, we really couldn't. If we accepted every invitation 
we've had to go round and scare girls, we wouldn't have time 
to eat our meals. 

Alice. Why, did you ever ! Do girls come from other 
camps, too? 

Jack. They sure do. You're the third that's been here 
this morning. 

Alice. The third ? 

Jack. Yes. Didn't you meet the last one going back ? 

Alice. No. 

Jack. You mean it? I'm not so sure you're not putting up 
a job on us. Well, you see, we'd have our hands full if we 
took all our invitations. 

Alice. Yes, but we're really almost relations. Marjorie 
is Mr. Higgins' own cousin, and he ought to be willing to 
scare his own cousin, — especially when it's for her own good. 

Jack. I'm afraid we won't be able to get around anywhere 
today. Your chaperon will probably come before night. 

Alice. But we're not sure. And, Mr. Abbott, we haven't 
a single means of protection except the keys to the doors, and 
goodness knows they're shaky — the doors, I mean. If we had 
'twould be one thing. I could use a gun if anything happened, 
but we haven't one. {Fiteously.) 

Jack. Why, I'll lend you a gun till your chaperon comes, 
if that's all you want. 



LOST A CHAPERON 4 1 

{Lays the flap-jack turner down o?i barrel side of her and 
goes over to teftt.) 

Alice {weakly). Oh, Mr. Abbott, you're so kind, 

(^He brings back an air- rifle.) 

Jack. This is only an air-rifle, but I don't dare trust you 
with anything larger. Girls are usually rather irresponsible 
when it comes to firearms. 

Alice. Why, of all things ! 

Jack. Now, I'll show you how it works. You bend the 
two parts back like this, just as if you were going to break the 
gun. (Alice ducks.) That cocks it. Then you bring them 
together again, raise it to your shoulder and fire. (Alice ////j 
hands over her ears.) What, you afraid ? . It doesn't make 
any noise. You try it. It"s much easier than a regular rifle 
and will protect you quite as well, if you can shoot. (Alice 
takes gnn aivkwardly ajtd tries to cock it.) No, the other 
way — that's it, further back. Oh, you ought to bend it way 
back. {In the struggle she drops it ; they look at each other 
and laugh.) I'm afraid you're not a gunner. 

Alice. Well, I didn't understand that one very well. 

Jack. No. 

Alice. So you better come over. 

i^kc^ fishes about in his pockets.) 

Jack. Let's see. I've a map here somewhere. Where is 
it? I had it a minute ago. Oh, yes. Here it is. Now, 
then. {Gets up rather close.) This is our ranch here. This 
is the lake {closer)^ and your place must be over here. ' 

{Closer?) 

Alice. No, over here. 

{Points to a place still further from him.) 

Jack. Oh, yes. [Laughs.) Well, now, how far is that on 
the scale ? 

{They are both enjoying themselves. Fred has entered with 
pail of "cvater, l. Stops.) 

Fred {low). Ahem! {Louder.) Ahem! {Still louder.) 
Ahem ! I (Jack lets go ; Alice grabs her hat and rushes 



42 LOST A CHAPERON 

down R. SJie seizes flap-jack turner and begins to fan herself. 
Both much confused. Fred comes forward side of Alice ; 
keeps eyeing her continually.^ I brought the v.'ater you asked 
for. (Alice turns her head.) Heavens ! 

(^He falls back, spilling some of the water.) 

Alice. What is the matter ? 

Jack. You see double, Fred. Go in and give that to 
George. He's hot. 

Fred. M-m. I see. I'm superfluous. What did you send 
me to get this water for anyway? 'Tvvasn't any joke — 'twas 
quite a trip. 

Jack. That isn't my fault. We need it — you'd have to 
go sooner or later, anyway. 

Fred. Well, you're cool. Alrapst seems as if I was your 
" vallette," Jack. 

Jack. Oh, fade away. 

Fred {still staying, talking very leisurely). I've been 
thinking on my way back how nice 'twould be if we had a well. 
It isn't very hard to dig one, or rather, bore one. (Jack 
fidgets.) The only thing you have to get is a piece of pipe of 
any ordinary standard bore and a hammer. We've got the 
hammer. AH we need is the pipe. Of course it's a long job 
and requires a great deal of patience. 

Jack. Well, I'm sure I've got that. 

(Alice moves, the barrel tips. Jack crosses quickly and 
steadies it.) 

Fred. Nevertheless, it's very feasible, and I'm sure we'd 
notice the difference in not having to cart our water all the way 
from the spring. 

Alice (aside to Jack). I guess you'd better introduce him, 
Mr. Abbott — that seems to be what he's waiting for. 

Jack. Oh, — ahem ! Mr. Lawton, I beg your pardon, I 
overlooked it. Have you met Miss Bennett of across the lake ? 
Mr. Lawton, Miss Bennett. 

Alice. Excuse me if I don't get down, won't you, Mr. 
Lawton ? This barrel is so uneasy. 

Fred. Sure. I noticed it was when I came up. (Alice 
makes up a face at hitn. Fred turns to go.) I guess I'll go 
in and soak George's head for him. 

Jack. That isn't necessary. All you've got to do is to te ' 
him what you thought about the pump. 



LOST — A CHAPERON 43 

Fred. That's a blamed good idea of mine, I don't care 
what you say. 

Jack. Yes. It worked fine, didn't it ? 

Fred (as he goes out r.). Bet your life ! 

Jack (j-eiurfiing to barrel^. Gosh I Praise be, he's gone. 

Alice. I think he's horrid. He just did that to plague 
you. 

Jack. Don't blame him too much. We're all like that. 
I'd do it myself if I had a chance. 

Alice. Oh, but you shouldn't, Mr. Abbott. It's not nice 
— it isn't polite. 

Jack. But it's lots of fun. He did get me fussed. I'd 
have enjoyed myself just as much if he had postponed his en- 
trance for a few minutes, or given us more notice that he was 
coming. 

Alice {coquettishly). That would have been a trifle more 
considerate. 

Jack. Just a few. Well, er — oh, we were looking at the 
map, weren't we? Let's do it some more. 

Alice (laughing). Now, stop. You know very well I don't 
like that sort of thing. No ! don't do it ! Please ! Your 
friend in there will be coming out again if you do — and I've 

got to be going, anyway. I don't suppose (^Jumps 

down ; barrel falls over. Jack picks it up. Alice crosses r.) 
I beg your pardon. I'm so clumsy. I don't suppose you're 
going to give me any hope, then? 

J.-vCK. Will you give me any? 

Alice. Any what ? 

Jack. Hope of seeing you again, 

Alice. Oh, you silly ! You're slow, you are. If I've 
walked it, you can. Sure, come on over, — that is, if you'll 
help me out. Oh, dear ! I wish our chaperon would come. 
I want to stay there, really, but I'm scared to death to be 
alone. 

Jack. Well, if she doesn't, let me know. 

Alice. Will you put up a job on them ? 

Jack. \{ you want me to. 

Alice. Oh, I do — you know I do. You're an angel in dis- 
guise. You'd better come over this afternoon and see if she's 
come. Invent some excuse and I'll be there. 

Jack. All right, so will I. 

Alice. Honest? I bet you won't. 

Jack. Sure thing. What do you bet ? 



44 LOST — A CHAPERON 

Alice. I don't. I don't approve of it. {Laughs.^ Good 
boy ! {Shakes hands with him.) 

Jack. Good girl ! {Holds her hand and pats it.) 

Alice. Now, stop. I'll see you this afternoon? 

Jack. That's it. 

Alice. So long. (Skips off l.) 

Jack. So long. (Goes out l., after her.) So long — so 
long. 

Reenters L., thoughtfully, as Geo. and Fred come out of tent 
laughing. 

Fred (c). Oh, you ! Oh, you hobbler ! Who is she, 
Jack? 

Geo, (r.). Another one of Marjorie's friends ? 

Jack (l., sullenly). That's what. 

Fred. Great Scott ! Have they all got cold feet over there ? 
Three of them in about half an hour. It's a wonder they didn't 
collide. 

Jack. 'Twould have been all up if they had. 

Geo. Doesn't any one of them know the others have been 
here? 

Jack. No. 

Geo. Well, what in thunder are they up to? 

Jack. Oh, they are all scared to death because your mother 
didn't show up, and each one thinks she is the only one 
that's frightened. 

Fred. Gee ! 

Geo. Well, mother never does show up. She always misses 
everything that's possible, but I don't see just what we can do 
about it. 

Jack. Each of them wanted us to go over there and give 
the others a scare. 

Geo. Oh, ho ! That's a cinch. I'll go and put on my 
clothes. 

Jack. Hold on ! I told them we couldn't. 

Fred. The deuce you did. 

Geo. You bonehead ! What for? 

Jack {silting on barrel). So we could have more fun with 
them. They wanted us to wait till night and go over and prowl 
round the house — that is, two of them did — the other one 
wanted us to go and reason with them. I told them I didn't 
think we could, but the first one and the last one hung on. 



LOST A CHAPERON 45 

Fred. H'm. 1 can vouch for that. The last one hung on 
tight. 

Jack. Oh, fade away. I told them to let us know if the 
chaperon doesn't come, and we'd go over and give the rest a 
good jolly. 

Geo. What did you tell number two? 

Jack. Oh, she was a prim kid. She got mad before I could 
explain. 

Fred. Too bad ! I suppose you tried it on all three. She 
probably didn't like your method of explanation. 

Jack. What do you think? 

Fred, I guess yes. 

Jack. Well, you guess wrong, I 

Geo. Oh, that won't go down. Jack. You're a slick one. 
You got rid of me, all right. I couldn't help myself. Then 
you sent Fred down to the spring on a wild goose chase. The 
girl that was so terribly thirsty went off before he could get 
back again. 

Jack. That wasn't my fault. She left earlier than she ex- 
pected, I guess. She got peeved. {The others laugh.') 

Geo. What about? 

Jack. Never mind. She asked for a drink and I told Fred 
to get it. Then she got bug-house and left. She doesn't think 
we're going at all. I told her we had a date for to-night. 

Fred. A date ? 

Geo. What is it, for Pete's sake? A pink tea? 

Jack. Oh, but it went all right. She never peeped. 

{Boys laugh.) 

Geo. Well, what are we going to do about it ? 

Jack. I've got a scheme (Geo., r., and Fred c, throw 
themselves down on the ground to listen), and this is it. You 
know these lumbermen up the lake here? 

Geo. Sure. 

Fred. Say, it's a wonder the girls didn't strike them com- 
ing over here. 

Jack. They couldn't very well make a mistake. They'd 
have known their place wasn't a camp — a camp of fellows off 
for a good time. It looks rather different. And anyway, our 
camp is the first one they came to, mallet. Well, now, I won- 
der if we can't get them to lend us some of their duds, so we 
can get ourselves up to look like woodsmen and scare the girls 
for sure. 



46 LOST A CHAPERON 

Geo. That's wicked. 

Fred. It's a dirty trick. 

Jack. No, it isn't. We could let the whole thing cut after 
a while and have a good time. I'll offer those fellows some 
dough and they can stay here while we're gone. 

Geo. And probably pinch everything we've got. 

Jack. What would they want? There's very little here I'd 
bother to cart off. Not the rice, certainly. We can offer them 
some money, and they'll bite all right. They wouldn't let it 
get by. What do you say? {Rises.) 

Fred. Just as you say; I'm game. 

Jack. You, George? 

Geo. I s'pose so. I hope you're not going to get too gay, 
though. Remember I'm in the family, and I'll get two-thirds 
of the blame. 

Jack. All the better for us then — that's all right. Oh, you 
girl number three ! A member of the family, — I wish /was. 
Well, I'll be back with the geesers in two shakes. 

{Hurries out r.) 

Geo. Well, what do you think of all this? 

Fred. I don't know. He doesn't seem to allow us to 
think. 

Geo. / think it's punk. Going to all this trouble just to 
scare a houseful of poor, timid gii Is. It's a rotten trick. 

Fred. Oh, it's just in fun. Imagine their faces ! 

Geo. Well, it might be more. Supposing one of the girls 
had heart disease {tragically), a very bad case of heart disease, 
mind you, and she was in the kitchen when v/e arrived and got 
a shock when she saw us? She miglit. You never can tell. 

Fred. What do you think a girl with heart disease would 
be doing down here with a lot of romping girls? 

Geo. Taking a rest. 

Fred. H'm. I guess if any one of them had heart dis- 
ease, from all I've heard, she would have croaked last night. 
You're too tragic. You take it too seriously. 

Geo. They may take it the same way. 

Fred. Bosh ! They'll be so relieved when they find out 
who it is that they'll rush right into our arms. 

Geo. So that's your expectation, is it? I see. Just who've 
you got your eye on ? 

Fred. Nobody special. I don't know them, but a girl's a 
girl in this wilderness. 



LOST A CHAPERON 47 

Geo. Say, I didn't think that of you. You've made a 
naistake, boy. You never ought to go to Tuft's. Why, when 
you entei- next September, they'll maul you. They don't tol- 
erate soft guys any more. After my soft class gets out, Fred, 
there won't be any of your kind left. 

Fred. From what you've told me you have got a few 
fussers in 191 2 at that. I'm not as bad as Jack. 

Geo. Well, you're a pair — I don't know which is worse. 
(^Goes to tree. Fred goes up l. Silence a moment.') Say, 
was that girl number three, as he calls her, a good-looker? 

Fred. Sure. 

Geo. Light or dark? 

Fred. Yes. 

Geo. Any class? 

Fred. You bet your blanket ! 

Geo. What v/as he doing when you came back? 

Fred. What do you think? Can't you guess? A little 
soft work. 

Geo. {eagerly). Did she seem to mind ? 

Fred. No, not especially. 

Geo. {loudly and earnestly). Oh, you kid ! 

Fred. Well, shades of Saint Thomas ! I guess you can't 
call us fellows soft, if you're going to carry on like that. Oh, 
but George, she was a peach, she was a looker, and she kept 
kidding him along, so — so {Hug each other ecstatically .) 

Geo. Oh-h — oh ! {Fervently.) 

Fred. You were in your blanket at the time. 

Geo. Say, when a fellow's down, v/hy knock him — that is 
to say, when his clothes are on the line and he can't receive 
callers ? {Feels of clothes.) These things feel pretty dry now. 
I'm going to run the risk and put them on. 

Fred. You'd better v/ait till Jack gets back. 

Geo. Well, the whole push is coming now. 

Enter r., front of set tree, and remain R. stage. Jack, Ray- 
mond Fitzhenry, Tom Crosby and Dick Norton with 
axes, the last three dressed in rough clothes and sombreros 
pulled do7vn over faces. Ray. is inclined to be flat and 
effeminate, Tom is bluff and to the point, Dick is heavy 
and lumbering. 

Jack (c. , triumphantly). I didn't have to go way over to 
the camp. They were chopping trees about half-way through 
from here. 



48 LOST A CHAPERON 

Geo. (l. c). Well, did you tell them what you wanted of 
them? 

Jack, Sure, and they caught on fine. 

Tom. Yah! Bet-chcr-life ! / 

Geo. Well, that's good. Glad to meet you. (Shakef 
hands and talks with them. Fked does same.') You (Jp 
Ray.) — you're about my size. Come on in the tent and help 
me fix up. 

Ray. All right. How much of a get-up do you want? ' 

\_Exeiint Geo. and Ray.,;r. 

Jack (l.). How much do you think we'll need to change, 
so the girls will take us for woodsmen ? ' 

Tom (r.). Aw — not much. These hats and coats oi/ght 
to do the job. Want the boots, too? 

.; Jack (l.). Yes; but they've seen me, you know. They'll 
recognize me the first thing. 

Dick (l. c). Smut your face. A girl's idea of a lumber- 
man always sports a dirty mug. 

Fred (^coming forzvard from R. c). Here's a piece of 
charred wood, Jack. I'll fix you. (^Proceeds to fix his face up.) 

Tom. Daub his snout. 

Dick. And his forehead. {To Jack.) Rub your sleeve 
across here, so 'twill smooch. 

Tom. That's the stuff. More here. {Points at his cheek.) 
Now the other side. 

(Jack begins on Fred.) 

Dick. More on his chin. 

Tom. Over his eye, there. {Points.) 

Jack. How's that? 

Dick. So-so. Now trim up your own snuffer. Here, put 

this on. {Puts hat on Fred.) There. You don't look hard 

enough. {Takes hat off and ruffs his hair.) I'he worse, the 
better. 

(Tom laughs.) 

Fred. Oh, cut it. If I don't look tough enough now, I 
never will. 

Dick. Well, now we can swaj) coats. (Dick and Tom ex- 
change with Fred and Jack.) There — now I don't see but 
what you look purty fair. Feel any good ? 

{Fellows hitch.) 



LOST — A CHAPERON 49 

Jack. Not quite natural. 

Fred. Kind of tight. 

Tom. You won't mind that when you get a-going. 

Fred. M-m. I hope not. Mine feels rotten. 

Tom. Here are the boots. 

{^Fellows exchange boots ; enter Geo. looking like n tra7np, 
and Ray. in his khaki suit. Tom, l. ; Dick, i,. c. ; Ray., 
c. ; Fred and Geo., r. c. ; Jack, r.) 

Geo. Well, I'm in glad rags once more. My, but you look 
fierce. I didn't think two soft guys like you fellows could get 
on such a tough look. 

Fred. Did you muss your hair? 

Geo. {surprised^. No. Is it necessary? 

Jack. Sure. {Takes Geo.'s hat off. He and Fred 
squabble over the mussing.) I know how better than you do. 
Get away. 

Fred. I guess I can muss hair. 

Geo. So deep. Leave the pieces. Why can't I make a 
mess of my own hair? I won't have any left, if you fellows 
keep on. 

Jack {knocking Geo.'s hat over on one side). There ! 

Geo. {hitting him in the chest). There ! 

Jack. Oh, don't get sore. You look swell. 

Geo. Well, what of it ? If I swell too much, I will get sore. 

{All groan.) 

Tom. I v^ouldn't go anywhere with a man in that frame of 
mind. 

Fred. Well, we don't feel much like it, I can tell you. 
He got us into it. 

Geo. I got you into it ! Well, I never. I didn't want to 
go in the first place. 

Jack. No, we know it. Don't mention it, kind friend. 

Fred. But the prospect of girlie number three was a great 
help. 

Jack. What do you mean ? 

Fred. He's mashed on your girl. 

Jack. He is like 

Geo. Oh, cut it. He's kidding. 

Jack. Well, if he isn't {To the other three.) You 

fellows remember what you're going to get out of this if you 
wait till we come back. 



50 LOST A CHAPERON 

Ray. We will, all right. Trust us. 

Geo. (aside; to Jack). How much you shelling out for 
this? 

Jack. We're going to give them a dollar apiece, 

Geo. Well, what in thunder you thinking of? You can 
pay for it; I won't. \_Exeunt, L. 

All. So long ! Good luck ! 

{All off but Ray., Tom and Dick.) 

Tom (c). Weren't they easy picking? 

Dick (r.). Fan me with a brick ! 

Ray. (l.). They took us for the real thing, didn't they? 

Dick. Sure. Might know they would. Nobody'd ever put 
you down for a "pote," Raymond. 

Ray. Or you for "collech" boys. I should have thought 
they'd have known you, though. 

Tom. Weil, but you know we don't room on the Hill. 
We've seen Higgins often, but he probably doesn't know us 
from a hole in the ground. Besides, he's an A. B. and we're 
engineers. 

Ray. What kind of an affair do you suppose this is ? 

Tom. Some sort of a lark, I guess. What do they call this 
shebang, anyway ? 

Ray. It's really very good inside — quite comfortable. 

Dick. Well, no one could say it wasn't neat. 

Tom. You can tell what they've had to eat for the last two 
weeks by the looks of the back lot. 

(Dick goes up by the tent and looks /«.) 

Dick. Looks like a wedding round here. 

Ray. They ought to take a course in "Household Eco- 
nomics." {The others laugh. ^ 

Dick. Say, Raymond, you could write a slick poem about 
this. 

Ray. (^seriously). I don't think so. 

Tom. Sure, you could. 

Ray. Well, perhaps I'll try. We'll have to do something 
to kill time while they're gone. 

Dick (r.). That's right, too. I wonder how long they'll 
be. 

Tom (l.). They'll take their time, don't you v.'orry. They 
won't have any tendency to rush. 



LOST — A CHAPERON 5 1 

Ra.y. (c.)- Where' ve they gone? 

Dick. Well, where've you been, Fitzy? Were you dream- 
ing when he was doping it out to us over there in the woods ? 

Ray. Why, no. I don't think he told me. 

Dick. You were with us all the time. 
' Tom. I guess he was dreaming of some poem in embryo. 

Dick. Eaibryo's good, Tom. Embryo's fine. 

Tom. Well, Raymond, my child, my little deaf friend, 
they have gone off to play a game on some girls. 

Ray. Girls? {^Crosses back of barrel.) 

Dick. Yes. 

Ray. Where ? 

Tom. Across the lake. 

Dick. They're going to bamboozle them a while and then 
tell them who they are. 

Ray. Do the girls know them? 

Tom. One, Higgins, the fellow in the blanket that button- 
holed you. He and one of the girls are cousins, I think. 
That's what the fellow said that told us. 

Ray. Know the names of any of the girls ? 

Tom. He didn't tell us, did he, Dick? 

Dick. No — yes, he did, too. Don't you remember he 
dropped one of the first names in the conversation — Marjorie. 

Ray. Marjorie? Oh, what a coincidence ! Now isn't that 
droll ! I've been expecting to hear momentarily, and now I 
learn it in the most unforeseen of circumstances. 

Dick. Oh, say, tie that outside. What's the row ? 

Ray. Aggie's in that party 1 

Dick. Oh, agony ! Is she? 

Ray. Do you suppose any harm will result? My, but I'd 
like to see her. I'd like to hear what she thinks of my poem. 

Tom. Well, they started off intent on murder, but I think 
they'll tone it down to manslaughter before they get there. 

Ray. I wish I were there now ! 

Dick. Well, let's go. 

Ray. How can we ? 

Tom. Wiiat do you mean ? 

Dick. Follow the fellows up and effect a second surprise. 
We can rescue the girls from the hands of the " ragamuffins " 
and earn everlasting gratitude. 

Ray. Great ! 

Tom. Isn't that thrilling? Say, that's quite an adventure. 

Ray. Won't it be difficult? 



52 • LOST A CHAPERON 

Dick. 'Twill be a cinch. If your agony is there, she'll 
recognize you, and put the girls wise. We can slip one over 
on the fellows and make things merry for them. Time enough 
to arrange for that on the way. 

Tom. What do you say, Raymond ? 

Ray. Oh, I'm willing if you fellows are. I'm anxious 
enough to get there. 

Dick. Come ahead, then. 

Ray. We'll spoil their game all right, all right. 

Tom. But we'll lose our dollar. 

Dick. What difference does that make ? Why so merce- 
nary, friend ? This is a lark you don't run across very often. 
Come on, boys. {Exeuni l., pushing Ray.) Come on I 



CURTAIN 



ACT III 

SCENE. — Same as Act I. Table down r., set. Fellows 
seated, eating, in their disguise as woodsmen, Geo. r. of 
table, Fred, c, and Jack, l. Mar., Alice, and Agnes 
seated, L., close together on settle ; Agnes /// Morris c/iair. 
Blanche and Ruth are serving. Blanche sets coffee 
down. 

Geo. {gfuffly). Sugar ! (Girls scurry round,) 

Blanche. Where's the sugar, Ruth? 

Ruth. Where's the sugar, Marjorie? 

Mar. Where is it, Agnes ? 

Agnes. Do you know, Alice? 

Alice. Ask Marjorie. She's the one that ought to know. 

Mar. But I don't. I'm sure 1 don't. 

Jack {in a growling voice, slowly, without turning'). 
What do yer know ? 

Mar. {very timidly). Beg pardon ? 

Jack {loudly). What do yer know ? {She starts.) 

Mau. (very timidly). Why — er — I don't know. 

Geo. There you go again. 

Fred. That's nothing. That's all she's peeped since we 
came in, and the others haven't opened their yaps. {Very 
loudly.) Why don't yer act cheerful? A great way to treat 
invited guests. 

Blanche. Guests? 

Jack. Yes. We've trusted ourselves to your kindness, 
thrown ourselves on your mercy, and this is the way we get 
treated. 

(Ruth looks at him quizzically.) 

Alice. Seems to me it's a funny way to throw yourselves 
on our mercy — to come smashing in the way you did. 

Geo. 'Twas the only way we could get in, and we wanted 
something to eat. 

Blanche. Why didn't you trust to somebody else's kind- 
ness ? 

Jack {gruffly). What ! ! ! {She stibsides.) 

53 



54 LOST — A CHAPERON 

Alice. I think whoever you are, that it's awful mean to 
l)reak in this way on defenseless girls like us. 

FuED. Well, 'twon't do yer any good to whine about it. 
{To Blanche.) Where's the bread ? 

Geo. Where's the sugar? 1 hollered for that an hour ago. 

Blanche. Where's the bread, Marjorie? 

Ruth. Where's the sugar, Marjorie ? 

Mar. In the kitchen, 1 think, both of them. 

Jack {to Ruth). Why don't yer get it, instead of standing 
there rubbering at us? 

Ruth. You told me not to leave the room, so I didn't. 

Geo. {lurning round, bellowing). And you're perfectly 
right, young woman ! {She jumps and looks very frightened.) 
Mike, go out and watch her. (Ruth and Fred start to7vard 
door ; Blanche follows.) Here {to Blanche), you come 
back ! 

Blanche. Me ? [Exeunt Ruth and Fred, c. 

Geo. Yes! You! Come back here ! (Blanche ^^w^i- r.) 
Don't think you and the other one are going to get Mike out 
there and maul him. Don't yer think that ! 

Alice (/^ Mar.). Isn't he the fierce one? 

Blanche. I thought somebody wanted some bread. 

Geo. Well, don't get it unless it's asked for. 

Blanche. I thought he did. 

Geo. Don't answer back ! (Blanche collapses nervottsly 
against wall, down R. She steals a glance 7iozv and then out the 
7vindo7V.) You girls think you can manage to get one of us 
fellers alone and break his nut, I suppose. {They look aston- 
ished and frightened.) But you won't, not on your tintype ! 
(Jack kicks him under table. Girls look at each other per- 
plexed. Aside to Jack.) Confound the luck ! I'm always 
putting my foot in it. {Aloud.) What I want to know is, who 
is chief-cook-and-pot-walloper in this ranch? 

Blanche. We don't have any. We '-'divvy" up. 

Geo. {turning and looking at her; she tailts ; turning to 
others). Well? 

Agnes. I'm afraid we don't understand. 

Geo. V/ell, you've got a marble dome. That's all I've got 
to say. 

Jack. Ask 'em again. {Continues eating.) 

Geo. Who is the chief-cook-and-pot-walloper in this ranch, 
the head mug, the big pie, understand ? 

Alice. Do you mean who owns it? 



LOST- — A CHAPERON 55 

Geo. Naw ! I mean which one of you is boss around 
here. 

Alice. None of us is just now. 

(Jack coughs and laughs ; Geo., the same.') 

Geo. Tliat's a joke, I s'pose. Well, who was before we 
arrove ? 

Alice {tiudging Mar.). She was. 

Geo. Oh, she's the one, is she? Oh, yes. That accounts 
for her gift of gab. (Mak. winces.) Nobody can do any 
talking while she's round, she's so blamed noisy. 

Mar. Did you want me to talk? 

Geo. Lord, no ! The closer you keep your shell, the better 
we like it. Perhaps we'll get the sugar by the time the slops 
are cold. 

Alice (/(? Mar.). Slops! 

Agnes. Aren't they coarse? 

Mar. I should say. I wonder what kind of animal he is. 

Alice. I'm not afraid of him, anyway. {She looks up with 
an air of bravado and encounters Geo.'s scowl fixed upon her.) 
O h - h . ( Collapses. ) 

Geo. Where are those two, anyway ? Has she throttled 
him ? 

Jack. I suppose they're hunting up the sugar. 

Geo. Don't they keep it on tap ? 

Blanche (timidly). She probably doesn't know just where 
it is. 

Geo. Why doesn't she? 

Agnes. 'Cause she isn't the cook. 

Geo. V/ell, you just told me you didn't have Gne. Make 
your yarns hitch. 

Alice. Here they are at last. 

Enter Fred and Ruth, c. He has bag of sugar. 
Jack. At last ! Give us it ! 
(^Takes bag and dumps some into his cup. Geo. does same.) 
Geo. Sit down, Mike. Where'd you find it? 

(Fred sits back of table. Ruth stands l. of table.) 
Fred. Under the sink. 



56 LOST A CHAPERON 

(Geo. pushes his chair back and looks sick.) 
Geo. Under the sink ! Well, what do yer know ! 
(Jack kicks him under table.^ 

Jack {aside'). Cut your college slang. 

Geo. Is that the usual place fer yer sweetening to hang 
out? 

Mar. {weakly). Beg pardon ? 

Blanche. He means, do you usually keep your sugar 
there ? 

Mar. I really don't know. 

Ruth. We only came last night. 

Geo. {loudly). Oh, is that so? {Girls are startled each 
time he speaks.) Well, you're beginning fine. That's the — er 
— deuce of a place to put your sweetening, I must say. {Pulls 
chair up to table.) Yer ouglit to keep things clean, the way 
we do, 

(Jack laughs. Fred puts napkin up to his face.) 

Alice. It's in a cupboard, under the sink. 
Geo. Well, why didn't yer say so ? You almost took away 
my appetite. 

{Puts a large piece of food into his mouth ; fellows all eat.) 

Alice. What do you think of them ? {Aside to girls.) 
Mar. Why, they're terrible. 
Agnes. They're so vulgar. 
Alice. Do you think they're all lumbermen ? 
Agnes. VVhy, of course. They certainly act so. You 
wouldn't accuse them of being gentlemen, would you? 
Alice. I don't know. 

(Ruth approaches.) 

Ruth. Don't talk so loud — they'll hear you. 

Agnes. Why doesn't Blanche come over here? 

Ruth. They won't let her. They don't want us all 
together. 

Ai,ice. Are they afraid of us? 

Ruth. No, but they don't take any chances. 

Alice. I should judge not. What do you think of them? 

Ruth, Well, they don't act quite right to me. 



LOST A CHAPERON 57 

Geo. What are you doing over there ? 

(Ruth turns. ^ 
Ruth. Me ? 
Geo. Yes, you with the big feet. 

(Ruth starts ; then squats a little, covering feet with skirt J) 

Alice. She was just talking to us, that's all. 

Fred. Nobody spoke to you. 

Alice, Well, I didn't see any harm in answering. 

Jack (aside to Fred). Say, don't you get fresh with girlie 
number three, if you don't want to get led outside. I won't 
stand for it. 

Fred (aside'). What do you care ? 

Jack (aside). I do, that's all. 

(Blanche s^oes to window and stands looking out anxiously. 
She looks back toward the fellows occasionally.) 

Geo. I want some fruit ! 
Fred. Give me the same ! 
Jack. Make it three 1 
Ruth. Fruit ? 
Jack. Just so. 

Ruth (appealing to girls). Have we any fruit? 
Mar. Over there by the door in that basket. Give them 
that ; 1 think there are pears in it. 

(Ruth goes over to get basket.) 

Blanche (aside to Ruth, as she passes down r. of table). 
I'm watching to see if somebody doesn't come by. If I see 
anybody, I'll attract his attention in some way or other, 

Ruth (aside). Good for you ; you're a brick. 

(Brings basket over absent-mindedly, puts it down in front 
of]kCyi, a fid runs up l. c.) 

Jack {putting his hand in the basket without looking). 

What's the matter with Ouch! Gee whiz! Oh! Ah I 

Yes. (^Looks in basket.) These are pears, all right — four 
pairs. Have a pair, George. [Picks out two of Blanche's 
puffs and tosses them over. Fellows roar.) Ha ! Ha ! 
That's a good joke. 

(Blanche turns and swoops down on them.) 



58 LOST A CHAPERON 

Blanche (^gathering them into basket). That isn't fruit — 
it's a mistake. 

Geo. So we observed, fair one. So we hobserved. 
Fred. Are they yours ? 

Blanche. None of your 

Jack. What? {Half rises.) 

Blanche (tre?nulously). I beg your pardon, 

[She puts puffs away in the corner up r. , and resumes her 
place at window. ) 

Jack (aside to others). It's nix on giving ourselves away, 
boys. 

Geo. You bet. They'd give us "Hail Columbia," and 
especially if ma comes. We'd better be getting out pretty soon, 
{Aloud to girls.) Well, do we have any dessert, or not ? 

Ruth. Dessert ? 

(Jack turns and looks at others.) 

Jack. Yes, any old thing, cursed if we care ; but we want 
something. It's the last course — I may say also, it's the first. 
I shouldn't mind some good fruit. 

{At the first of his speaking, Blanche has become excited. 
She turns round quickly to see if any one notices, then 
waves from the window, looks round again, and then 
carefully steals out c.) 

Alice {to use time). I think we have some, somewhere. 
We brought a few apples with us. 

Jack. Well, get them, then, or let one of our waitresses get 
them. Hello ! We've only one left. 

Fred. Why, one's gone ! 

Geo. Gone ! Go find her. Bill. {Exit Jack, c. ; to 
Ruth, ivho goes over to girls.) Come here ! {She returtis.) 
You stay here till he comes back, and keep still. She didn't 
sneak out for nothing. There's something up, and 3'ou're not 
going to join in. {A moment's silence, during which Geo. 
keeps looking^ back.) Where's she gone, do you s'pose? 

Fred. He's probably fussing. 

Mar. {rising). Oh ! That horrible man ! Where is 
Blanche? 

Fred. Stop! Sit down! {She obeys.) I'll go and see 
what he's up to. \^Extt, C. Noise outside. 



LOST A CHAPERON 



59 



Alice. AVe're four to one. Let us go, too. 

(Alice and Mar. rise.^ 

Geo. {rising and advancing, hand in hip pockef). What? 
Well, 1 guess not ! Stay where you are, or 

(Mar. and Alice sit. Agnes falls on knees before chair. 
Ruth tip r. All terrified. ) 

Agnes. Oh, don't shoot ! Please don't ! 
Ruth (r.). We won't move ! 
Mar. We won't, really ! 

(Geo. draws handkerchief from pocket leisurely atid wipes 
nose ; girls are staggered ; silence.) 

Alice. I'd like to know what's up out there — it's quite 
uncanny — there's not a sound. You aught at least let one of 
us go out to see what the matter is. 

Geo. I'll go myself. {Up c.) Stay here till I come back. 
Mind you, stay in this room. {Exit, c. ; a crash. Geo., 
without.) You son of a 

( Voice smothered ; another crash ; girls look at each other, 
terrified; Alice begins to cry hysterically ; all keep their 
eyes fixed on door. Ray. soon appears at door, followed 
by lOiM. ) 

Mar. {hysterically). Who are you ? 

{A babel of voices ; Agnes is trying to calm Alice.) 

Rav. I am Raymond Fitzhenry. 

Agnes {excitedly). Raymond ! {Turns.) 

Ray. Agnes ! 

{She rushes into his arms ; girls laugh excitedly; she is 
confused, draws back and extends her hand. They cross 
to L. Tom, c, looks very uncomfortable.) 

Agnes. I'm delighted to see you here at this time, Mr. 
Fitzhenry. 

Ray. I assure you, the pleasure is all mine. Let me intro- 
duce my friend Mr. Crosby, Miss Bates. 

Agnes. I think I've met Mr. Crosby before, but I didn't 
recognize him at first. You girls all know Mr. Crosby, do!)'t 
you? 



60 LOST — A CHAPERON 

Ruth. Yes, indeed. {She greets him.) 

Mar. Very glad to see you, Mr. Crosby. You don't look 
at all as you did the last time we met. 

Tom. That so ? Have I changed as much as all that ? 
How do yoti do, Miss Bennet? 

Alice. The last time she saw you was at an evening party. 

(Ray. ^//<'/ Agnes converse apart.) 

Tom. Ha, ha ! That accounts for it. 

Mar. Oh, but we've been so frightened ! We are ever- 
lastingly obliged to you for showing up just at this time. How 
did it happen ? 

Tom. We saw Miss VVestcott waving her hand at us from 
the window. 

Mar. She's a corker ! 

Tom (l. c). That's wliat Dick says. So we hurried over. 
She opened the door for us and we got into the kitchen, and 
as the men came out we gagged them. 

Alice. Splendid ! Then what did you do? 

Tom. Tied them out there — one to the pump, another to 
the table and another to the door. 

{Girls laugh.) 

Ruth. Did you hear that, Agnes? 

Agnes {turning). What? 

Ruth. They tied the men up in the kitchen. 

Agnes. Yes, so Raymond was telling me. 

Ruth. It's a shame to disturb you. {To Tom.) And did 
you two do it all alone ? 

Tom. Oh, no. Dick Norton is with us, and Miss West- 
cot t helped us to some rope. Our rope ran short. She and 
Dick are out there putting on the finishing touches. 

Ruth. I guess I'll go out and see how they look. 

{Starts to go.) 

Tom {grabhins; her by arm). No, no. Miss French. I 
wouldn't go out there, if I were you. Those men use horrible 
language. 

Ruth {surprised). They do? 

Tom. Yes. We tried to get Miss Westcott away, but she 
seems rather attached to Dick. 

Alice. Is that so? {Laughs.) 



LOST — A CHAPERON 6 1 

Ruth. Mr. Crosby, do you know what those men's names 
are? Alice didn't think one of them was a lumberman. Do 
you know ? 

Tom (r. front of table). Why should I ? No friends of 
ours. They're a set of lumbermen that have been working 
across the lake, and a pretty tough crowd they are, too. 
{Turns.') Aren't they, Raymond? Oh, I beg your pardon — 
yours too, Miss Bates. 

Ray. {absently). What did you ask me? 

Tom. If those men weren't a pretty hard set. 

Ray. My goodness, I should say they were. {Looks at his 
nails.) You couldn't make a dent in them anywhere. I 
broke two finger-nails. 

{All laugh.) 

Tom. I meant aren't they a bad lot ? 

Ray. Tliey certainly are. You're right there. 

Alice. Do you know their names, Mr. Fitzhenry? 

Tom. Course he doesn't. 

Ruth. Was one of them Abbott ? 

Alice. Abbott ? / never said anything about Mr. Abbott. 
Why did you ask that? 

Agnes. Abbott ? Do you know Mr. Abbott ? 

Mar. Well, what is all this? Who, for goodness' sakes, is 
Mr. Abbott? 

Alice. He's a friend of mine — I've known him a long 
time. I thought one of those men looked like him. Evi- 
dently Ruth thought the same, though heaven only knows 
where she ever saw him. 

Ray. Oh, no. I don't think that could be so. Those 
fellows couldn't possibly be friends of yours — they're a tough 
crowd. Besides, they've just come into the neighborhood. I 
couldn't tell you where they came from, I'm sure. {Crosses r.) 

Agnes. 1 didn't see any of them that looked to me like 
Mr. Abbott. 

Alice. Pray tell me what you've got to say about it — I 
guess / know liim better than you do. 

Agnes. I'd like to hear why. 

{She is with girls ; ToM talks with Ray.) 

Alice. Well, I've known him longer than you have. Most 
any one could tell you that much, so there. 



62 LOST A CHAPERON 

Agnes. Well, when I told him who was camping over here, 
he said he knew Miss French, but he never mentioned you. 
Alice. You probably didn't, either. 
Agnes. I did, too. 

Mar. Well, when was all this? I don't " comprenny." 
Agnes. This morning. 

(Starts as she realizes what she has said.) 

All. This morning ! 
Ray. (to Tom). It's all coming out. 

Tom (to Ray.). Don't say coming out. Say dayboo. It's 
more classy. 

Enter Blanche and Dick. Blanche, l. c. ; Dick, r. c, 
/ront of table. 

Mar. Blanche Westcott, what do you think ? 

Blanche. I don't. 

Ruth. Aggie went over to George Higgins' camp this 
morning. 

Blanche. For pity's sake, what for? 

Dick (to others). What's all this ? 

Ray. Aggie's given everything away. 

Dick. About time to say good-bye then, isn't it? 

Tom. Oh, don't get cold feet. Stick around ! 

Blanche (to Ruth and Alice). Well, where were you 
girls, I want to know ? You were away all the morning. 

Ray. (to Tom and Dick). Now they're in for it. 

Alice. Why, er — er 

Ruth. I went to walk. 

Alice. So did I, but not in the same direction. 

Tom. I'll bet a test tube you both landed in the same place. 

(Alice and Ruth look confused.) 

Ray. (aside). Keep quiet, Tom ! Have some mercy on 
them. They'll work it out all right on their own hook. 

Alice (to Ruth). I didn't see you. 

Ruth (to Alice). I didn't see you, either. 

Mar. Did all three of you girls go over to George's camp 
this morning ? 

Ruth. Alice did. 

Alice. Ruth did. {They glare at each other ; everybody 
laughs.) Well, I guess Mr. Abbott was pretty nice to me. 



LOST A CHAPERON 63 

RuiH. He was to rae, too. 

Alice (Jiorrified^. He was ? (Aside.) The fickle thing ! 

Dick. Hee ! Haw ! Everything's out. 

Alice. You are, I guess. What do you know about it ? 

Dick. Well, I guess 1 

(Ray. and 1lO-!si pull him back.) 

Tom (aside to Dick). Shut up ! 

Ray. (saf/ie bus.'). You'll give everything away. 

Dick {sa7ne bus.). Doesn't seem to be much left to give. 

Tom (same bus.). Well, they don't know anything about 
the masquerade. 

Blanche. What on earth did you girls go over there for ? 

Alice. I didn't want to stay here any longer without a 
chaperon. I wanted them to scare you, so you'd want to go 
home as bad as I did. 

Mar. You selfish thing ! 

Agnes. I didn't want them to scare you. I wanted them 
to reason with you against doing anything rash. 

Dick. Oh, soda water ! 

Blanche. Anything rash ? 

Agnes. Yes. Sleeping outdoors and things like that. 

Alice. I thought you were the chump that wanted to sleep 
in the woods. 

(Agnes subsides tearfully.) 

Ruth. Oh, dear ! I'm glad / wasn't the only one fright- 
ened. 

Mar. Were you scared, too ? 

Ruth. Well, kind of. Not as bad as Agnes, though. 

(Agnes sobs ; Ray. fidgets. ) 

Dick. Keep cool, old top. Keep cool. 
Mar. Oh, what did you want them to frighten us for? 
We're harmless. You don't think they will, do you? 

( Very anxiously.) 

Alice. I don't know. We've got somebody here now. 
Are you sure they're not the ones? 

Tom. Unless they're lumbermen, coarse and cheap, at 
that. 

Alice. Well, they're not. 



64 LOST A CHAPERON 

Blanche. You girls were wicked. I should think we 
were frightened enough as it was. 

Ruth. You ! 

Blanche. Yes, we ! Marjorie didn't want me to tell, but 
I'm going to, now. She and I were clutching each other all 
night and we haven't felt very secure since. 

Tom {(iside to Dick). Say, we came in the very nick of 
time, didn't we? 

Dick (aside to Tom). Keep still. 

Ray. (aside). Give it a drink. 

Dick {aside). Great hostesses, aren't they ? Make you 
feel just like one of the family, 

Tom {aside). Sh-ut up ! 

{Trilling heard outside ; no one notices.) 
(Agnes, business with Ray.) 

Ray. {goins[ and bending solicitously over her chair and 
holding her hand ; she leans back and sobs in handkerchief ). 
Agnes ! 

Alice. I'd say I was lonesome, if I didn't think it was 
dangerous^ 

Tom. You bet your life it would be. 

Mar. If all of us are scared to death, we might as well go 
home. 

Ray. Oh, Agnes ! You won't go home, will you ? 

(Tom andVuzvi tnock ; girls laugh.) 

Ruth. We don't seem to be in on this, do we? 

Enter Mrs. Higgins, r. She is of middle age, bustling, 
garrulous and domineering. TJie fellotvs throw up their 
hands in despair. Tom atid Dick r., Mrs. H. c, Mar. 
L. c, Blanche on stairs, Ruih and Alice on settle, 
Agnes in Morris chair, and Ray. l. 

Tom. We're done for. 

Mrs. H. 0-h-h ! Young man, what are you doing ? Is 
this the kind of actions you allow, niece, when there isn't any 
one here to forbid it? Kiss me, child. I am shocked — grieved 
— and surprised ! {Turns and surveys room.) I'm glad 
there's somebody here. I was beginning to have my douDts. 
(Mar. and others attempt to break in and speak at intervals, 
but give it up.) I have been trilling out there in the wagon 



LOST A CHAPERON 65 

for more than half an hour, but nobody paid any attention to 
rae. Who are tliese gentlemen, niece? 1 don't recollect liav- 
ing seen any of them before. One of them is especially forward 
and impertinent. Don't interrupt me, young man. I don't 
remember these young ladies as among those whom I have met 
at your house, niece. How-d'ye do, Miss VVestcott? I'm glad 
to see you. I am sorry, however, to notice that you tacitly 
couiitenance such disgraceful behavior — especially at midday, 
and without a proper chaperon. {Looks severely at Agnes, j 
I hope, niece, that you have been careful whom you have 
selected as camping companions. 1 trust they will be congenial 
to me, and that my first unfavorable impression as 1 cau)e in 
the door will not be borne out by later developments. {Sits 
L. of table.') Why doesn't somebody say something? You 
are the dullest girls I ever saw. Except for the young lady in 
the centre, I shouldn't think any of you had any life at all. 
(Agnes glares at her.) Of course, as I always maintain, it is 
better to have too little than too much ; better to talk too 
little than to talk too much. But there is such a thing as 
carrying a theory to extremes. All you girls act scared to 
death. If you'd been in my shoes and lost the train, and had 
to stay all night at a Bangor hotel, with nothing by you but a 
pocketbook, while the train steamed away with your trunk, 
perhaps you'd have more reason to be quiet. My land, what 
a time I've had ! 

Dick {aside). What do you know about her for a first-class 
hot-air artist ? 

Tom. Say, ain't she the awful piece of work ? 

Mar. How did you happen to lose the train, auntie? 

Mks. H. I was late, of course. And there I was in Bangor, 
without a single thing by me but a five dollar bill and a couple 
of side combs. Not even a tooth-brush, and I had to stay all 
night. I'll never pack all my things again as long as 1 live. 
I've got along all right. Whenever I've missed my train, I've 
stayed in comfort till the next one; and I should have this 
time, if Kate hadn't said to me, " 'Twill be a bother to take a 
bag, mother, an awful bother." 'Twould have been a blessing 
— that's what it would. I'll never rely on anybody else's 
advice again. When I do, I always get left. I'll keep to my 
own ideas. 

Tom {to fellows). How'd you like to have her for a 
chaperon ? 

Ray. Deliver me ! 



66 LOST — A CHAPERON 

(Dick laughs.^ 

Dick. So deep. 

Mar. Well, to tell the truth, auntie, we've had quite an 
adventure. 

Mrs. H. An adventure? I knew it! I knew it ! That 
Bangor train could do nothing but harm. Think of a train's 
starting on time in the state of Maine ! Disgraceful ! Don't 
see how they expected any one to make connections. What 
was your adventure ? Speak up and tell me ! Why this ret- 
icence ? Goodness ! Do people have to drive you to say any- 
thing? If you're going to get anything in this world, niece, 
you've got to speak for it, I learned that years ago. 

Dick (aside). By gosh ! And she learned it well. 

Mar. Well, we've been surprised by lumbermen, and 

Mrs. H. {looking at fellows). They don't look like lumber- 
men. I've seen lumbermen, in my day, going down stream on 
logs, and some of them even falling in and getting drowned, 
and all that — but I never saw any that looked like these young 
men. You, sir, you [poking 'Ra\ . with her finger), are you a 
lumberman, sir ? 

Ray. I, madame, have the honor of being a member of the 
Junior Class of Harvard College. 

Tom. Also a poet. Don't forget that. 

Mrs. H. Silence, sir ! And these other men ? 

Mar. Let me introduce them. Mr. Crosby and Mr. Nor- 
ton, auntie. This is Mrs. Higgins, our chaperon. 

{Fellows bow and Mv^s. H. also, frigidly.) 

Mrs. H. I knew it, I knew it, niece. You have no per- 
spicacity. If you expect to get along in this world, you must have 
perspicacity — I learned that long ago. 

Mar. Well, auntie, these aren't the ones that surprised us. 
These are our rescuers. 

Mrs. H. Two sets of men in this house at the same time ? 
I am astonished, niece, that you should allow them to surprise 
you. I supposed that you were alert. That was my only con- 
solation last night, as I lay awake in that execrable hotel. 

Tom (aside). With a couple of side combs ! 

Dick (aside). And a five dollar bill ! 

Mrs. H. I expect between the two parties there isn't a 
thing to eat left in the house, just because I'm nearly starved 



LOST — A CHAPERON 67 

to death. I never knew myself to go anywhere hungry, when 
the people I visited had enough to eat. I always eat a lunch 
before I start to spend the day anywhere. Then I'm sure 
there'll be a big dinner. 

( Crash in kitchen, then another, followed by noise of some- 
thing heavy being dragged across floor. Geo. appears at 
door c, with a rope around his waist, hands tied behind 
him?) 

Geo. Mother ! 

Mar. {to girls'). Why, it's George Higgins ! 

Alice. Then that was Mr. Abbott after all ! 

Mrs. H. George ! For the land's sake, v/hat are you doing 
here? Why do you look so disgraceful? You've no excuse ! 
None whatever ! If you do wear old clothes, you can keep 
them neat. Go back where you came from, sir, and wash your 
face. 

Geo. I can't very easily. I'm tied. 

Mrs. H. Well, of all things ! I'm mighty glad I got here 
when I did. No telling what would have happened. (Tom 
goes back and cuts rope ; Geo. exits, followed by Tom.) I 
begin to see what's been going on here. 'Twas George who 
scared you, was it? Was it, I say? 

Mar. I guess 'twas, though we didn't know it at the time. 
There were three of them, and they were all disguised. 

Mrs. H. Hum ! I bet I know what that son of mine came 
for. Had to happen just as I'm so hungry, too. He always 
was a great boy for food. 

Tom {appearing, urging Fred and Jack in). Come on. 
(Aside.) She won't bite. {They enter.) 

Mrs. H. Well, who are these? 

Tom (pushing them in front of him, Fred, r. c, Jack, 
L. c, atid talking around them). They're George's friends, 
Mrs. Higgins. They called when he did. 

Alice (coming forward). This is Mr. Abbott, Mrs. 
Higgins. 

(Mrs. H. wilts her. Alice and Jack cross l.) 

Jack. And this is Mr. Lawton. 

(Mrs. H. nods stiffly.) 

Mrs. H. Am I to understand you are the young men who 



68 LOST A CHAPERON 

came here to frighten my niece and her friends wilfully and 
maliciously ? 

Tom {behind them). Yes, they're the ones. 

Dick. They're a bad lot, they are. 

Mrs. H. Silence ! 

Rav. Keep quiet and watch. 

Geo. (without'). 'Twas just a lark, mother. 

Mrs. H. 1 don't know as I've got this straightened out yet. 

Ray. Well, the fact is that these fellows, George Higgins 
and his two friends, borrowed clothes of us, so as to look like 
luiubermen, and came up here to get up a jolly on the girls. 
We had an i(iea what they were up to, so we followed and got 
the drop on them. Thai's all there is to it. 

Mrs. H. Well, what are you, auyway, students or lumber-' 
men ? 

Rav. We're working at a lumber camp across the lake 
during the summer. I'm a Harvard student in the winter. 

Dick. Steady job. Been at it five years. 

Tom. We're Tuft's men. 

Enter Geo., c. 

Geo. What's that? Are you Tuft's men ? 

Dick. Sure. Off-Hill engineers. 

Geo. Well, I'm darned glad to meet you. Funny I've 
never seen you before. 

Tom. VVe knew you the first time we saw you. 

Geo. That so? (^Felloivs begin to pair off ; Jack and 
Alice, Ray. and Agnes, Fked and Ruth, Mar. and Tom, 
Blanche and Dick.) Well, mother, this has been one jolly 
from beginning to end, and somehow we fellows seemed to get 
the wrong end. 

Tom. You did, all right. 

Geo. But what consoles me is that you won't be able to 
twitch my nether limb for a dollar. The joke's on you there. 

Dick. Well, — to a certain extent. 

Fred {Jo Ruth). I guess we had you standing around 
some. 

Ruth. I knew that was you all the time. 

Ray. (/<? Agnes). Did you like my poem, really? 

Agnes. Oh, 1 thought it was simply grand, and so did the 
girls. 

Alice {to Jack). Why did you come over this morning to 
scare us ? 



LOST A CHAPERON 69 

Jack. We just wanted to see if the chaperon had come. 
Mrs. H. Well, she has, young man, and she can speak for 
herself. {All sigh.') She has just arrived. 

(Mar. and Tom down r., at window ; Blanche «/;^ Dick 
back of table ; Mrs. H., r. c, and Geo., l. c. ; Fred 
and Ruth at staircase ; Agn es and Ray. in front of 
staircase ; Jack and Kiaqie. at mantel.) 



CURTAIN 



New Plays 



ELiMWOOD FOLKS 

A Drama in Three Acts 
By Charles S. Bird 
Author of "At the Junction," etc. 
Eight males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors, 
one exterior. Plays a full evening. An easy and very actable piece with 
an unusually even cast of characters. Clean, wholesome and entertain- 
ing ; can be recommended for school performance. 
Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 
David Bainbridge, editor of the Elmwood "Item." 
James Wentworth, an old cojupositor. 
Squire Alford, a hard man. 
Dick Alford, his stepson, a young lawyer. 
Whittier Jones, a contributor to the " Item." 
Tommy Gay, David's apprentice. 
Mr. Pinch, an officer. 
A Messenger Boy. 
Mrs. Bainbridge, David's wife. 
Bessie Bainbridge, their daughter. 
Drucilla Jones, Whittier s aunt. 
Mary Gay, Mrs. Bainbridge' s maid. Tommy s sister. 

SYNOPSIS 
Act I. — Office of the Elmwood Item. 
Act II. — Lawn beside the Bainbridge home. 
Act III. — Parlor in the same. 

HER UNCLE'S BOOTS 

A Farce in One Act 

By Mrs. Myrtle Barber Carpenter 

Seven females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an easy interior. Plays 
thirty minutes. An easy and effective little play suitable for Girls' 
Schools or young people in amateur theatricals. Very funny, but with a 
sympathetic thread of interest. Clean and bright. Recommended. 
Price, IS cents 

AN OUTSIDER 

A College Play for Girls in One Act 

By Wilhemen Wilkes 

Seven females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an interior. Plays 

thirty-five minutes. An unusually strong and sympathetic little play for 

its length and pretensions, strongly recommended to schools. The story 

turns upon a basket-ball match and is full of interest. 

Price, 7j cents 



New Farces and Comedies 

HIGBEE OF HARVARD 
A Comedy Drama in Three Acts 

By Charles Townsend 
Fii^e males, four females. Modern costumes; scenes, two interiors and 
an exterior — the latter may be played as well in an interior, if preferred. 
Plays a full evening. A clever, up-to-date piece, well suited for amateui 
perlormance. No small parts ; all good. Good plot, full of incident, nc 
love making, interest strong and sustained. 
Price, 75 caits 

A REGIMENT OF TWO 

A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts 
By Anthony E. Wills 
Six males, four females. Modern costumes. Scene, an interior, the same 
for all three acts. Plays a full evening. A lively, up-to-date farce, easy to 
produce and full of laughs from beginning to end. All the parts good — 
no small ones. German comedy characters for both male and female, 
and " wild west " character part and English character comedy. Strongly 
recommended. 

Price, 2S cents 

THE MISSING MISS MILLER 
A Comedy in Three Acts 

By Harold A. Clarke 
Six males, five females. Scenery, two interiors; costumes modern. 
Plays a full evening. A bright and up-to-date farce-comedy of the liveliest 
type. All the parts good; full of opportunity for all hands. Easy to pro- 
duce and strongly recommended. Good tone ; might answer for schools, 
but IS a sure hit for amateur theatricals. Professional stage rights reserved. 
Price, 25 cents 

MISS BUZBY'S BOARDERS 
A Comedy in Three Acts 

By Arthur Lewis Tubbs 
Five male, six female characters. Costumes modern ; scenery, two easy 
interiors. Plays two hours. In a lighter vein than this writer's other 
pieces, but just as strong, and offers plenty of comedy. All the parts good ; 
fomr call for strong acting. Several good character parts and effective 
heavy character. Dialogue especially good, A sure hit. 
Price, 2jS cents 



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